Starting to see the truth?
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|Wed, 01-29-2014 - 1:17am|
This board seems pretty active so I was hoping for some honest opinions. I've been dating this great guy for over a year, he's nice to me and he's loyal. For a woman who used to be married to an abuser who thought a job and working was beneath him, he's a breath of fresh air. Like any relationship, things were great in the beginning, he was taking care of things when a problem came up. For instance, when his truck broke down, he rode his bike to work, because that's what he had to do. Now, we've hit that one year mark, and things are different, something has changed. He had a good job when we met (I worked there also) and granted the job sucked but it paid well. Three months after we started dating, he decided he was going to quit (he was there 5 years) and start his own business with the pension money. He does this, does nothing to start his business, blows through the money in a month and doesn't bother looking for another job until long after the money is gone. I explained to him that I can't afford to pay his bills, and that it was probably foolish to wait to find a job after that money was gone. But he kept looking to me to help him. I gave him small amounts of money here and there, not a lot. I explained to him about my exhusband and that I refused to do all the work. He said he understood.
Now, he's had a new job since August, at a thrift store. Great, now he can afford to pay his own bills again. Now he can stop leaning on his mom to pay his rent. Except now, he keeps finding things that he can buy from the store and sell on ebay. Which would be a great idea, if he would actually put the stuff on ebay to sell. On top of that, his truck breaks down again. Instead of the "gotta do what I gotta do" attitude he used to have, he's got the "laid down and die" kind of attitude about it. I'm thinking to myself WTF? Now, he won't stop talking about this broke down truck and he doesn't know what he's going to do and so on. He seems to be taking this approach (with everyone) because he wants someone to tell him "well, I'll fix it for you" or "I'll lend you the money" and it has once again, worked on his mother. He knew this repair was needed months ago and instead of putting money aside for it, he chose to buy a bunch of crap from the thrift store he works at and let someone else worry about paying for his truck.
He couldn't even buy his 5 year old niece a Christmas present because it was more important to buy a playstation 2 (that didn't work) and some recliners. And this is what he does, "I didn't have the money to buy my family any Christmas presents but I got these great recliners and a playstation 2 for $40!" He doesn't just say this to me in private, he goes to his mom's house and says it. He does not do this out of spite, but it's as if he has NO clue as to why it's a big deal. He doesn't understand that you don't go to your mom's house and tell her that he can't pay back any money he owes her because he's broke, but then proceed to tell her about the great pieces of art he bought from the store. These are things that just happened recently, and the more I see it, the more put off I am. I just have this sinking feeling that I am putting myself back in a situation I got out of 10 years ago.
Sorry this is so long.
So the honesty I am looking for is this, as an outsider, does it seem like he is one of those guys who is happy to spend someone else's money or am I just being a snatch about all this? Because I honestly don't know. I don't know if this is the common sense I was lacking when I was married or if I am being too critical of him.