State of marriage--LONG
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 04-02-2008 - 1:44pm |
A little background...I've been married almost 3 yrs, with my husband for just short of 8. Neither he nor I have ever had doubt about being married or loving each other. We bought a house almost 2 years ago, and had fallen into a routine. I go to the gym early in the morning before work and am in bed by 9:30/10. I usually come home after work and relax. We watch TV together. That kind of stuff. He plays a sport so sometimes he has a game. It just became routine. He seems to think that whenever he asks me to do something, it's a "struggle" to get me to do it. On one hand, it is sometimes because I'm tired. But I don't think it's as bad as he makes it out to be. And certainly not someting you end a marriage over.
There have been intimacy issues--mostly on my end--throughout the marriage. For some reason,

That's interesting that you've both crossed the lines in flirting with other people. Was his dad ill before he passed? It could be that he knew this was coming and some more lines were crossed when he's vulnerable about losing a parent. He could very well be having an affair or it could be something completely different. Who knows, maybe it will come out in therapy. It sounds promising that he's willing to go, that you're both commited to working on your marriage. There is such a thing at the seven year itch...relationships are cyclical and people will break up or renew their relationship around this mark. I don't know if he's from the school of thought that you shouldn't have to work so hard if it's meant to be. You sound ready like you've already rolled up your sleeves...good luck on this.
Thanks for the input. And maybe I gave the wrong impression, but the funeral already happened. I was there, of course, supporting the family and him. That's why I said I had spent so much time with him and his family over the last few days, hoping that would shed some perspective on him, showing him what's really important in a marriage.
And I know it's hard to work on marriage stuff while he's dealing with the loss of his dad. That's what makes living day in, day out so tough right now. Because I'm trying to respect that. But things came up this morning, and I couldn't help but talk about it.
"There have been intimacy issues--mostly on my end--throughout the marriage. For some reason,
I've started to suggest doing different things that I usually don't want to do, like
You can only go one day at a time and it's great that he is receptive to you.
"But now that things feel estranged, I'm unsure where that leaves things in terms of being intimate. It doesn't feel like the right time to suggest that, even though I have a yearning to be with him, as he's unsure that he even wants to be married to me."
Have
Yes, I agree with americajin - if I were you, I would be jumping him right about now - what are you waiting for?