Statistical question

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2004
Statistical question
2
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:15am
If there is marital infidelity within the first few months of marriage that was before the wedding, stopped 2 days before, and then started again a week after the ceremony, what are the chances that marriage will last forever? He keeps telling her it's over, and keeps going behind her back? Are there statistics on this stuff?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 9:24am
I have to assume that you're who he's seeing - behind his wife's back.

It's like this...the man believes he has hte right and is right to "get whatever he wants from whoever he wants".

He married her....he doesn't value marriage as an equality based, mutually beneficial entity between two loving, respecting, adn admiring adults. It's simply either a venue to get more benefits, ease and security -financially and otherwise - or it's is an expectation of his situation "to be married in name only" - becuase that is precisely what it is.

So, if he married her and by doing it gained financial security or other type of status....he's likely not ever to leave. He married her for what he thinks marriage is supposed to bring. And he doesn't believe in an emotionally bonded, loving, and equality based relationship in terms of commitment - so not having that in a marriage isn't a problem to him, and having a mistress for just sex isn't a problem either.

Now...if you're saying if SHE finds out will she leave - that's a whole different thing. IF she knew and married him anyway - then likely she won't leave either. At least not for years. Because she's got the "whip me, beat me, tell me I'm cheap it proves you love me thing" in your head - she wants to "earn" him back, thinking she's inferior becuase he doesn't pick her...while the mistress is mistakenly thinking "because he picks me to screw he is choosing me over her".

If she didn't know about his infidelity pre-marriage - she might easily get this situation annulled or file for divorce. In which case he'll scream and plead that the mistress is a slut who wouldnt' leave him alone, he's made the greatest mistake in the world, and that he's willing to be her slave and on life-time parole - just to keep whatever benefits the marital situation allows him to have.

But, if you're the mistress and thinking that you want him in a committed relationship - think again. He lacks the ability to emotionally bond and be committed by conventional definition because he doesn't value committment. He's the common denominator in his infidelity, and you're not the first woman he's been with behind someone else's back.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 09-28-2004 - 4:15pm
Check out www.marriagebuilders.com

why bother with stats, the guy is a liar and a cheater and he will continue to do what he wants because the person he married has put up with it. Most cheaters don't change their ways without therapy.


Carrie