stay or leave?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
stay or leave?
3
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 8:15pm
Well, I guess I dug my own grave. I made a bad decision and it looks like I am paying for it. But I'm making my bf pay for it too, kinda. It's like this: Bf and I together for 13 months now. Moved in together at 3 mos. (Too early, yes, I know.) Anyhow, his older bro and wife moved back into town, and asked us if we wanted to all get a place together (to save money and be able to get a nicer place.) My initial reaction was a fast HELL NO, his bro is obnoxious and the wife is somewhat of a biotch. But, I sucumed because I am a dork, (because I was trying to please my bf and his family) and after a few weeks, we all got a really nice house together. I hate it!!!! (not the house, the company.) I am soooo miserable here I just hate it soooo much. It's not my house, I just rent a room here, thats what it feels like. It just sucks. Theres too much to go into, so, just trust me, it sucks. We've only been here 3 months. The question that comes up is that a good freind of mine is looking for a roomate, and I am giving the thought some serious consideration. But I know if I leave, but still try to stay together with my boyfriend, he will be absolutely crushed. I just don't think he'll understand, even though he knows that I am unhappy here. He can't foot the rent alone here, first off. His bro might work with him on that, but....I don't know what to do?!?! But my bf has done nothing but tick me off and push all my buttons for the last month or so, I am infuriated with him more often than not. It's mostly money issues, so I think that perhaps if I did leave, and I made sure he knew what probleme I SEE that we're having, maybe he will want to work on them and try to change. And if, not, well??? (I don't mean to ssound cold about him, I'm just mad at him right now.) He is a pretty good guy for the most part, it's just that he is careless with money (when bills are past due!!!), he doesn't listen, and he spends more time with the Xbox & his bro than with me. So, as if I'm not depressed enough, I get ignored by the one person in my life that is supposed to love me and care about me!!!! That hurts a lot. Sooooooo, sorry its long, any thoughts or suggestions would be appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 8:55pm
I know how you feel! Thats almost the same thing I went through with my ex. I would let him know how unhappy you are and why you are unhappy. Keep telling him. If nothing changes fast tell him your thinking of leaving. Watch out though, things may seem to get better for a short time then go right back to where they are now. If you want to try that and nothing happens move in with your friend and try dating him that way. Good luck! and hang in there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 9:09pm
Thank you! I actually have tried to talk to him, and...exactly as you said, things got better for a short while, but he gradually went right back to how things were. I guess a big thing is that I do need to talk to him, but my friend needs to be out of her old house in 2 weeks, so I need to make a fast decision, and that's making me worry. I am impulsive by nature, and I don't want to jump without looking (for a change). I'm just scared that I have no way out--that this could be my only way out--but it's too soon....And I feel responsible for us having moved in with the bro, when I end up leaving 3 months down the road, and like I said, my bf can't afford pay all the rent. (well, he COULD, but not with the way he spends!!!!!) I guess I'm just feeling guilty. I would still like to be with him, but I don't think he will take that well. (Less sex= BAD for a guy.) Thank you again. I haven't felt HEARD in a long time. Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 2:09pm
You are not responsible for moving in with his brother first of all. It didnt seem like you really wanted to in the first place. Maybe moving out and making him pay his own rent would make him step up and start spending more responsably (I should really talk though, you should read the mess I've gotten myself into =P ). I dont think you should feel guilty, you sound miserable where you now. It may be a good idea to move out, for your sanity and the sake of your relationship. Go with your gut feel though.