Stay together or take time apart?
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Stay together or take time apart?
| Wed, 09-15-2004 - 11:40am |
Hello. My sweetie and I have been together for four years. Lately, we have been having a lot of problems - most of which are my fault. I have changed a lot since we first started living together. I'm not as patient, I'm quick to anger, and I'm not as sensitive as I used to be. I think this is a result of conflicts we have had throughout the years - both of our faults and also due to frustrations dealing with both of our families. I know that I need to change. I want to change. I do not like the person I've become. I want to be the same person (sweet, loving, patient, caring...) that I used to be. I told my sweetie that I need some time to meditate, have quiet time, search within myself, etc. We love each other very much. We do not want to separate. However, this is very difficult and painful. When we are together, we hurt each other (emotionally), but when we are apart, we cannot stand it. What should we do? We have been each other's best friends for the past 4 years. We have been each other's worlds. Should we take a trial separation while I work on my issues and I find myself again or should we stay together and try to work things out? We are afraid of losing each other if we take some time apart, but if we continue on this track we will end up losing each other. We are desperate for help. Thank you.

I say that because that's what I did. We loved each other so much but couldnt get along when I moved in with him. Things got worse and worse and I couldnt think of what to do, so I did something that I thought would kill our relationship BUT save myself; i moved out after one year.
After I left ( which happened only a month ago) things were weird, BUT I had SOO much faith in us and the relationship that I worked hard to convince him that it was going to work (most men see the "moving out" thing as a break up) and it did! Love should never be contingent on weather you live together or not.
We talk about how maybe a few months from now, we can come back and talk about moving back in with some rules and regulations established to prevent the emotional confrontations from ever happening again.
Relationships are work, but they shouldnt be SUCH hard work. You might love each other, but maybe moving in together wasnt the best thing JUST YET.
.. just my 2 cents... Missy
Reading material:
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman
Should I stay or Go: How Controlled Separation Can Save Your Marriage, Lee Raffel and Jean Jouston
How One of You Can Bring the Two of You Together: Breakthrough Strategies to Resolve Your Conflicts and Reignite Your Love by Sue Ellen Page
Carrie