Staying unhappy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2009
Staying unhappy
6
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 4:52pm

Hello all. I'm new to this board and am really looking for some advice and/or guidance about my marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 5:31pm

Without addressing the total suckiness of the inequality of you and your H's contributions to the M and family, and just sticking to some suspected causes.... if your H is anything like my H, the _overwhelming_ shock of life with three kids and the duties and stresses that come with that -- added to the probably complete incompatibility with the duties with being a house-husband, is enough to send even a really good man into a tail-spin of depression and dysfunction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 03-14-2012 - 8:55pm

I'm wondering if you are actually aware of what it's like to take care of 4 young kids--now you said 3 of them are in school but I assume they come home after school at 3:00 or so?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2009
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 12:03pm
I do know what it's like to be home and I do know what it's like to be in his shoes. I am a go-getter - I do run circles around lots of people. When I have days off, or a few weeks when I had each of my kids, I did do a lot. I understand what needs to be done around the house and how frustrating it can be. We made the decision together that we wouldn't put our children in daycare. He goes out with friends often - it's not like I don't want him to have fun or that I don't understand that being with kids all day is hard and mentally draining. I've done a lot of the 'how would i feel if I was the SAH and my husband came home demanding dinner on the table, kids perfectly clean and the house immaculate.' That's certainly not what I'm asking.

I never expect not to do my fair share of child rearing, chores, scheduling. But a share of it. Not 90%. I know he's unhappy and thinks he has no direction. He works out of the house 1 or 2 nights a week. But if I got to stay home during the day, I would treat that as my job just to stay sane. Yes, I'd meet with other Moms, go to the park, etc. I think I just need him to realize that what he is able to do is wonderful - see our kids grow up day by day. I miss a lot of that and would give anything to have it. But, I have the degree, the motivation, the dumb luck to have to carry the financial burden of our family so that's my job. I don't make a lot of money. Barely enough to make ends come close. So daycare, a housekeeper, etc really isn't in the cards for us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2009
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 12:24pm

I totally get your frustration; I do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2002
Thu, 03-15-2012 - 1:53pm

Im a SAHM to 4 kids.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2011
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 11:52pm