Still cofused about husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Still cofused about husband
4
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 4:44pm
After finding that my husband was talking to his coworker about 5 times a day for like 45 min each time..many fights over giving him space and time, and a lot of verbal and emotional abuse..I left home for two weeks, now that I have been home for a week things have not improved. Yesturday I woke him up in the middle of the night to say happy anniversary and he screamed at me like I was a piece of garbage. I was so mad that when I was following him up the stairs I hurt my thumb on the stairwell- I bent it and strained it- he did not take it serious until he found aout by his mom that I had gone to the hospital. Anyway, today he calls me freaking out telling me to forgive hi m- the only problem is that yesturday I amde up my mind- as much as I want my marriage to work, he has hurt me so much, that I am thinking of seperating. I want to go back to my country and leave this horrible nightmare I am living- I do love him and I am really depressed and lonely, but I feel like he makes it worse. I miss having him in my life, but when wedo talk it is just hurtful things he says.."he regreats getting married..I amke him crazy..I tourment him.." On top of all this I have found more "evidence pointing that he is having an affair.."

But to you all..what do I do? Am I giving up too fast? I had a beautiful relationship with him until he ceated on me before our wedding, and then I became very unsecure and could not trust him again--that is what the problem originated from..and then it became the women..

I just dlon't want to regreat my decision. I love him but I feel like he no longer appreciates me or respects me- yeah he tells me he still loves me sometimes and that this si justa hard time we are going through, but today is our 10 month anniversary and I cn't even expect a hug from him..Im just so sad:(

Angel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 4:55pm
I think you are doing the right thing by leaving...

1) he's carrying on with a co-worker

2) he doesn't care about your feelings

3) I had a beautiful relationship with him until he ceated on me before our wedding, and then I became very unsecure and could not trust him again--that is what the problem originated from..and then it became the women..

No your problem was not how you reacted to him cheating, but to him cheating in the first place.

Please take care of yourself.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 4:58pm
I just wish so much that it would be easier to take that step- he was my best friend before we dated, so I loosing my husband and best friend- in all..my other half..I'm just scared, how do I go on with only the half of me?

Thanks for the support:)

Tearyangel

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 5:15pm
You are a whole person within yourself. He can't be your source of happiness, entertainment, value, etc. Happiness comes from within you. It won't be easy, I'm not saying it will be. It's hard to be in the center of yourself and stay strong knowing you are doing what is right, setting personal boundaries so that you aren't taken advantage of. You are NOT LESS THAN because of his actions, choices, behavior or decisions, period. He made his choices. Now you have to put yourself first (your mental and emotional well-being) and take care of you.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2004
Tue, 08-03-2004 - 5:17pm
Get out. Yes, divorce is horrible, but so is emotional abuse and infidelity. You don't deserve that, and it will only get worse. You haven't even been married a year yet, and already he is most likely cheating on you, and treating you like trash? He doesn't appreciate you, and I don't care what anyone says about how you need to "make marriage work" -- life is too short to live the majority of it feeling unloved and unhappy. Move on w/ your life and find someone who makes you feel good about yourself.