Still Living w Ex - PART 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Still Living w Ex - PART 2
3
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 9:05am
UPDATE........well, things have changed considerably since my last post a few days ago. My ex, my son and I had a family outing today at a park with rides and swimming. We had a picnic and had a great time. During lunch, my son is running around acting goofy and my ex and I are sitting on the picnic table watching him. OUt of the blue, he looks at me and says "I'm gonna give you another chance." I asked him why and he said not to worry about it, that he decided he wanted to try to work things out and for me to leave it at that. I told him that I couldnt just leave it at that...i had questions. He said he didnt want to talk about it right then because we were at the park. I asked him how long he had been thinking about this and he said about two weeks or so. I of course want to talk about this and he laughs and tells me he'll take it back and I told him that I never said yes. He looked at me and said yes i did and i flatly said "no, i did not" As of this moment, I still haven't accepted the invitation to try again. Even after he made the comment though, he never tried to touch me or kiss me or anything. I thought at the very least he should have hugged me. At this very moment, he is playing his PS2 and I'm on here.

I still think there is alot that needs to be discussed and this isn't something that we just go "ok, we're back together". So....who knows what I'll do. I've got alot to consider and talk over with him but wish me luck.




Edited 8/8/2004 10:34 pm ET ET by miserableindallas

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 08-06-2004 - 1:47pm
Hon, you posted here for help... we don't know you or him, don't know where you live, etc. He's mad because he knows his behavior is messed up and you just got a bunch of 'strangers' to agree with you and validate your feelings.

He's manipulating you and emotional abusing you. Please get out while you can.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Sat, 08-07-2004 - 10:24am
i think he now realizes how important and bothersome this all is to me. I think deep down he didn't realize how this whole situation was affecting me because in his eyes, I wanted him and the life we had so he thought by us still living together and doing things that it wouldn't be that hard for me to be split up. The last few days we've had some very intense discussions about things and I told him that I needed him to really truly understand what I was saying and feeling. That it was important for him to really hear the words I was saying and not just hearing sounds come out of my mouth.

Yesterday he called and wanted to meet for lunch so we did. We had a nice lunch. As we were standing in the parking lot, he told me that when he got home from work he wanted to have sex. I asked him "why? because its been a week?" and he said no that he could go another week without it but that he wanted to be close to me and needed to be close to me. I got home after he did and he was playing video games so I went about my business. Nothing was said about the sex. After about 20 minutes, he calls to me to come downstairs so i did. We had sex in the living room but it wasn't the normal sex we've been having since being separated. Ususally its about the pleasure aspect and that's it. Yesterday it was like he couldn't get enough of me...couldn't keep his hands off me. Even afterwards. I decided I wanted to go out for dinner so I went upstairs and started getting ready. I was on the phone with a girlfriend when he walked into the dining room and overheard me telling her we were going to the store and then to dinner. He laughed and asked if he was invited since I hadn't told him the plans. Long story short, we went to dinner and had a nice time. During dinner, he made a comment about going to look at new computers afterwards so that "WE" could get a new one, that "WE" needed a new one. His company offers to buy them through payroll deduction. Our computer is only a year old but it doesn't have the right graphics card to enable him to play games on it so he wants a new one. While at the store looking, the salesperson is asking alot of questions and my ex is really not computer literate at all, where I am, so he told the salesman to talk to me about it, that I'm the one making the final decision and that whatever I decided is what we would get. That threw me way off. I wasn't expecting that at all. After we decide on one, we walk through the store window shopping. He was pointing out different things saying "we" needed to get this or that. After we get home, he goes to play his PS2 again and I retreat here for a few minutes then head upstairs to my room (the spare room). We bought a new oscillating fan and I was putting it together so he comes in the room and tells me to come to bed. Granted the night before he told me to come to bed and I told him that I was not sleeping in that bed. He knows where I stand on that whole issue. So I look at him and just sit there. He says "Baby, come to bed" baby is his pet name for me and he has only called me by that name a few times since the split. I think on sheer accident - out of habit. I was so used to hearing "baby" that my youngest son started calling me baby when I wouldn't hear him call me mommy. (its sooo cute when he does that too). So I put on my gown, crawl into OUR bed with my drink and book and lay down. In my head, I'm thinking he's gonna want to have sex. NOPE. He didn't even try. He turned off the tv, told me to roll over onto my stomach and he started rubbing my back, giving me a massage. I've been having problems with my left side neck and shoulder for about 4 months now and its a constant pain for me so he was massaging it for me. After awhile, i knew he was falling asleep so i told him he could stop. He continued to rub my back instead and then fell asleep with his hand on me. We have not slept like that in probably 6 months or more. We used to fall asleep with our legs touching or back to back. We had gottent to the point where you could probably fit another person in between us in bed, thats how far apart we would sleep. Last night, he was touching me all night. He's a heavy sleeper and usually doesn't arouse when the bed moves. I became sick to my stomach (from dinner i think) and everytime i would get out of bed, he would wake up and ask me what was wrong. At about 3 am, he asked me if i needed him to go to the store to get anything. I finally fella sleep around 4 am and woke at 715 when he was getting ready for work. I came downstairs to lay on the couch because my youngest son was coming home this morning and my ex walked over to my and started rubbing my head, asking me how i was feeling. so far, its 9:15 am and i've talked to him 3 times. My youngest son calls him daddy. its something he started doing the very night we became engaged. My son asks this morning if daddy is at work and when will he be home. A few minutes later my ex calls and wants to speak to my son. They talk for about 15 minutes and then Cameron hands the phone back and says "daddy will be home in alittle bit" I get on and he says he'll be home for lunch, something he doesnt normally do on saturdays because when he works through lunch, he gets to leave alot earlier at the end of the day. I think tonight after my son goes to bed, I'm gonna sit down and have al ong talk with him about what is going on and what he sees or thinks is happening and that we need to figure some things out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2004
Sun, 08-08-2004 - 10:36pm
UPDATE...UPDATE....UPDATE......

read original message in this discussion and then read "Still Living with Ex" posted on July 25th. - thats part 1.