still love him, but.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2004
still love him, but.....
2
Mon, 06-14-2004 - 11:47pm
i've been with this guy for 18 months. i believed everything was going good for us. he gave me a 3-stone diamond ring and made me believed that he truly loved me. he would leave me messages on my cell daily stating that he loved me and was glad i was in his life, than 3 days later after the last message he stated that he couldn't be my boyfriend anymore. i had no idea there was problems and he never said anything to make me think he was unhappy. the reason he gave me was that he needed to think of himself for once. he wanted to hang out with his friends and go back to college. i never denied him any of this before. he says we can still be friends and hang out once in awhile but its been 2 months and nothing yet. he'll tell me that he misses me and loves me but can't be with me in the way that it was before. he'll call me everyday and whenever he stops by he'll hold me and say things that make me believe that theres still a chance for us. i love him with all my heart but i feel that he's not the man i thought i knew. i'm starting to feel like the whole relationship was a lie since he seems to say one thing and then does another. i would like this friendship to work but it seems like he's not even giving it a chance. i told him i don't want a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship since i don't think i can believe or trust him anymore after all the lies he told. but of course he doesn't see them as lies. i guess my hardest thing for me to understand is how do you tell me you love me and than days later tell me that you can't be with me at all. i questioned if there was another girl and he said no, of course. my head says one thing and my heart says another. all i know is that i love him very much but the pain he has caused me is unbearable. how can i get over this and still have a friendship with him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 6:41pm
in my opinion what he's doing is bull S#%! if he loves you as much as he says he does he wouldn't be jerking you around like this. Mabey you should put your foot down and start thinking about yourself and your happyness it might make him realise what he's loseing and what he has to gain by being with you. but either way it's something you need to do for yourself.

best of luck
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 6:49pm
Why would you have a "friendship" with someone you don't trust.

Basically, when he thought that a life with you was the "best option for him" - he pursued it-that was him pursuing meeting his needs via an alliance with you.

And when that became something that involved responsibility and requirement he said "thats the part I don't want"...and so he backed off the relationship, is going to go back to college, be single, hang out, "do" alot of girls....and he's saying "let's be friends".

So that at some point....should no other alternative present good options and benefits for hiim -h e can come back to you and say "I made a mistake, a huge error in judgement, you're the most wonderful thing I ever had in my life."

and he'll be "sure" of that because he put you on hold (while you stayed there voluntarily) he went out and was with whoever he wanted to be, perhaps fathered a few babies that he has ot support, has put off his professional advancement and that will impact and limit his future, and he's got buddies that are now finished with college, and off making careers and getting wives and so now that he's had his fun...he's going "okay, now that I have no better options for a free ride, let me drag out the ball and chain and see if I can handle having that strapped to my leg and limiting my range of movement and options."

And if you're there when he picks up tosee if you're still on hold, waiting for him to make up his mind...he's want you back...and he'll strap on the ball and chain until it limits his range of movement so much he breaks free....usually in the arms of some other woman who's been told al ine of crap about how you never treated him right, and you never trusted him, and you've had him on a leash since day one.

The man doesn't "value" a relationship...he values the benefit of a relationship but he can't stand the obligations of one.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com