Stranded in Gas Station in My PJ's!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-03-2003
Stranded in Gas Station in My PJ's!!
4
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 3:39pm
My boyfriend and I had a huge (I mean size of China) falling out last night. One of those really super-emotional kind of nights. I cried hysterically for about an hour in his arms about all the things going on in my life. He comforted me up to a certain point and then said "hon, you gotta get yourself together, I'm leaving." (This further infuriated me in my mental state) And so he left my apartment to drive home. So what do I as nuerotic, super-emotionally possessed do? I jump in my car (mind you I'm in my green silk pj's with NO contacts or glasses {read: blind} and I followed him to a stop light where I told him that he needed to go the pharmacy with me last night so my mind could be put at ease about being pregnant/not pregnant. This was around 11 pm. The drugstore closed, he drove me back to my car and told me that if I was not pregant that we were through. He then told me to get out of the car. I told him I didn't want this to be the end of things and then I loved him. then I asked if this was the end and he said "keep it up and it might just be" and sped off. So it was 11 o'clock in my pajamas and I walk into the gas station to call my mother (of all people) to come rescue me and drive to a supermarket to purchase a kit. Found out that I was not pregnant. (just as he said---since I have a "habit" of thinking I'm always pregnant)

Great relief there. But what about the relationship that prior to this night was going along swimmingly? We've been together for about a year and a half. We've broken up before and have gotten back together again. Is this him blowing me off for real? Or was just him reaching his boiling point and saying some really mean, nasty things? (This is just so odd to talk about since he is such a sweet, caring, respectful boyfriend until I get hyper-emotional and then he wigs.)

Please, I know I made some mistakes last night--(why did I go chasing after him?????)---But can anybody give their take on the sit.? Suggestions? Comments? I'm miserable, but am waiting on him to receive some kind of response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 4:00pm
Look - trauma, drama, chaos, turmoil, unrest, and tornadoes may be your idea of a great time, a great relationship, and a great dynamic in which to conduct your life....but everybody at some point, for some period of time, gets tired enough of the choas and upheaval that they want out.

It sounds like everytime you think youo're pregnant which you take no responsibility or pro-action regarding prior to "thinking you're pregnant" - you have an attack. I understand that becuase nobody wants to be a single parent. But the time to prevent that reality is prior to sex...not after you've had it unprotected.

And I think he's saying that you conduct yourself in the heat of the emotional moment - sometimes that's good because you likely have great sex as a result of that...and sometimes that is bad...becuase you're chasing after him in pj's wearing no contacts and endangering yourself.

And he's sick and tired of it. At least, for right now.

If his life is one big upheaval and turmoil-ridden roller coaster - he's just a little nauseous of the big drop and he'll likely be back because chaos and turmoil are also what he thrives on - he just got a little too pucky to ride this one out at the moment. Which doesn't mean you'll stay together because this emotionally driven, factually dismissive approach usually ends up creating consequences that nobody wants but someone has to deal with and he'll make sure that someone is not him, at least not more than necessary.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 4:01pm
I am positive your relationship was not going swimmingly for a year and a half - this did not happen out of the blue. Look at it from that perspective. Anyone I would feel that close to after a year and a half would never make the comments he made to you and I would never be running around imagining I was pregnant (what's that all about?)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 4:32pm
You feel out of control and are waiting for him to make a move. But look seriously at what you are waiting for-extending your rocky, tumultuous relationship. You can love someone but know that you can't have a healthy relationship with them.

What if you were pregnant? He said that he would only leave for good if you weren't. What type of situation is that?

'Or was just him reaching his boiling point and saying some really mean, nasty things?'

When things get intense there is no excuse for name calling. None.

"So what do I as nuerotic, super-emotionally possessed do?"

How about go to counseling. It looks like you have issues that will carry into any relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2003
Mon, 06-02-2003 - 5:40pm
Many of us do things in desperation just like you did last night. What was the fight about? Is he tired of the fact that you're arguing or doesn't agree with what you are arguing about? Is it an old issue that keeps coming back? I would give him a day to cool off and give him some space. Meanwhile, don't panic and schedule a time with him to calmly talk about what happened.