Stranger girl hugs DH! advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Stranger girl hugs DH! advice?
6
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 2:00am
at DH's company Xmas party, a strange very young girl jumped up & hugged my husband & he knew her. i've never seen her before in my life.

she doesn't work with him.

she's the new very casual gal pal of a jr. employee.

DH knew her name & she knew his.

this was supposedly based on us being introduced to her in passing at a large company summer picnic 6 months earlier.

we weren't even introduced to her though. i remember who we met.

there were no new spouses/girlfriends to meet.

it's a conservative company- all the employees are men actually & all are married but one or two who have long-term girlfriends.

it's a high security job site (military work) & no wives/friends can stop by the office. so she didn't meet DH on a tour of the office by her new boyfriend who works there.

DH & she both said that we'd met her at the summer picnic -but we didn't meet her- i remember each new girlfriend/wife of the employees b/c i really care to remember their names b/c the wives/grlfriends don't get to see each other but twice a year at these events. even if there's a slight chance we met her very briefly at the summer picnic- why would DH remember her name 7 months later? he doesn't remember names ever. and why the explosion of excitement when they saw each other? it doesn't make sense to act like that at a very traditional, conservative corporate holiday party (in the middle of everyone - they were hugging- while I stood by awkwardly).

my DH never remembers anyone's name- especially not some new casual girlfriend of one of the dozens & dozens of young new, jr. employees. he doesn't remember the name of his boss' wife. and we've known them for 12 yrs!

i'm furious at this girl for jumping up & hugging my husband. she wasn't pretty but it seemed flattering to my husband.

DH was pretty very friendly to her in response. can anyone make any sense of this for me please?








 Katrina
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 7:48am
There's nothing to make sense of! Do you think your husband is having an affair with this woman? I would doubt that - so whether your husband knows her or remembers her name is totally irrelevant. She's young and probably enthusiastic, so she hugged your husband and he was probably flattered by it.

Really, this is nothing to obsess over and the fact that you are suggests that perhaps there are other issues at play in your marriage. Making an issue out of this would be silly and cause problems where there aren't any.

I wouldn't give it another thought, if I were you.

Peace - Pebbles

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2003
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 12:03pm
I agree with pebbles, this does not sound like a big deal at all. However, there is someone who can 'make sense of it all', and that is your husband. have you asked him?

People behave differently. In some cultures, you hug and kiss someone you just met. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Have you noticed if this woman was affectionate to others? Your hubby was probably taken by surprise, and flattered, which is understandable.

Don't loose any sleep over it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 01-18-2004 - 3:49pm
pebbles- i wonder if you have a close, secure, supportive marriage. because in those types of marriages- neither partner sends or accepts advances from others.

i'm not out to control or worry about what my DH does or doesn't do. he's faithful or i would not be married to him.

however, i am disgusted w/ a stranger throwing herself on him.

it only takes a look to send a message that you want someone.

and people who do that to other people's spouses- should have more self-respect.

that's all.

Kat
 Katrina
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 9:40am
My marital status is immaterial to my answer.

Giving somebody hug is not necessarily a come-on - in many cases it is a sign of affection. Being in a relationship does not mean that you cannot show affection to others - unless the partner is so insecure that they will misinterpret.

You sound jealous of this girl and if your marriage is as good as you are implying, there shouldn't be any reason to feel that way.

You stated that you wanted to make sense of things, yet you seem to have decided that it was this girl that was lacking in self-respect.

You're reading way too much into a moment that in all probability was totally meaningless.

You asked for advice - no need to go on the defensive - if you don't like my answer - ignore it.

Peace - Pebbles

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 11:27am
'he's faithful or i would not be married to him.'

Then why are you posting here? If you trust him and know that he isn't having an affair with, or has a desire to sleep with her, then what is the big deal?

'it only takes a look to send a message that you want someone'

Again, so what if your husband is trustworthy???

Obviously it bothers you that he remembers her name and you feel threatened.

Do you want to yell at this girl for being friendly with your husband at a conservative event?

You can't control what she or anyone does. You can control your reaction.

My husband, friends and I hug people all the time and some we know better than others. Heck, some we may have just recently met.

Figure out what this is really about and communicate with your husband. Is jealousy often an issue in your marriage?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 01-19-2004 - 2:17pm
Talk to him about it.


Carrie