Stressed out
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Stressed out
| Mon, 04-19-2004 - 10:08am |
I don't even know where to start. My life has been in a constant state of stress. My fiancee does not get along with any of my friends and we constantly fight about me spending time with my friends. I cannot plan anything with friends because I end up calling them and telling them that I can't go, or I will be late because my fiancee tells me I can't go, why do I have to go, why can't he go-etc etc. I cannot even talk to my friend if we all go somewhere together because he accuses me of talking about him or us or out relationship. My friends have given up on me because they are tired of always having me cancel on them or having him call me and ask me when I will be home. He has been abusive in the past and I think the way he acts is just another way of trying to control me. I do not do anything wrong when I hang out with my friend. We ride our horses, or do crafts, shop, stuff that normal women do everyday. I do not know how to explain to him that it is completely normal for women to have girlfriends to hang out with. I am at my wits end and feel like I am having a nervous breakdown or something. I have had to fight for my friendships and I am tired of fighting for something that is only going to cause more fights. I am tired of trying to fight to be normal. I don't know what to do. It would be fine if he was normal and accepted the fact that you can have friends and do things with your friends.

You need to seek professional help.
I am not sure if you two live together or not, but you need to make up your mind that this relationship is not acceptable or healthy. He is abusing you and more then likely it will continue to get worse and physical.
You need to get away from him - forever. He will cry and beg and promise. But he wont change. If your not happy with this and dont want this type of relationship forever, then get away. And you have to do it all the way. Move out if your living together (have back up with you when you decide to move or get your stuff out of his house - the police). Dont accept his phone calls - dont open emails - dont respond to im he may send. Nothing - no contact with him. Also make sure that you dont go out without someone with you - hes not gonna just give up and disappear. They never do.
I dated a guy for a short period of time who was emotionally abusive. Our first date he made a remark similar to "If we start dating, you cant walk around in those pants" they were tight black jeans. I thought he was joking. He called me daily 5+ times - at work, at home, everywhere. At first I thought it was because he loved me and missed me. No, it was because he had to KNOW my every move. If i mentioned i was going to spend the evening watching a movie at home with my sister, he would pout. If that didnt work, he started in with I dont love him, didnt care for him, etc. He would guilt me into spending the evening at his place with him. He was a manipulator. He lied about so many things. He told me he had to go out of town on a 3 day business trip - just to see how i would react to him being gone and what I would do for 3 days. He never left town. AND he was very upset that I didnt lose my mind without out him for 3 days. He told me later is grandma died and he had to go to a funeral. Just lies....never violence. Then on xmas - he showed his true colors when i told him again that he was not spending the night at my house on xmas eve. ( I have two kids) Thats when he starting yelling, cursing and throwing things. That was it - over. Then he cried and begged. I stood my ground thank god!!! He called our house over 50 times a day thereafter - and made threats against my whole family. He scared the sh** out of us all and my kids. He later told my sister he was moving to AZ to raise horses and write. He never left the area and we both see him from time to time. We also checked his criminal record which indicates that he has numerous arrest for domestic violence, repeat violence etc. Messed up guy.
Get yourself into therapy. Protect yourself. Make yourself stronger. You do not need him for anything. He will tell you that you will never find anyone to love you as much as he does, to take care of you etc. BULL - hes maniulating and he will tell you anything and everything you want to hear. Dont listen - run.
This is not healthy and I dont believe that this man will be happy with just the emotional abuse for long. He going to start pushing, grabing, pulling and hitting - soon. Get out. Now.
I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.