Stressed out and a bit anxious

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Stressed out and a bit anxious
1
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 12:35pm
Hi everyone, I am new to this site, and just need a little coping advice. BF and I are not married yet. We will be getting married after his divorce is final. We have both been through so much, a whirling dervish of stuff lately and up till now I have been holding it together just fine. A little of what we have been going through - his divorce, he recently lost his job and has been busting his butt to find another one, which is not only imperative financially, but is a must to fight for custody of his kids, trying to nuture our relationship though we're 1200 miles apart, me getting ready to move up there, becoming an instant step mom, trying to find work in a economically depressed state (Washington), trying to deal with side effects from a medication that was making me very sick (I'm no longer taking it) and dealing with my own illness that I've had for 4 years (Lupus). Needless to say, anyone in the same position would be a tad stressed out (she said tongue in cheek) and I guess it just finally caught up with me. I love my BF more than anything and want to spend the rest of my life with him. I got very lucky and have a man who is a dream come true. The thing is, once his ex learns he's filing for full custody (too long to go into here, but his attorney says he has a 90% chance to get custody of his kids because of the circumstances), we both know things are going to hit the fan. So my question is, how do I de-stress or at least try to with all these life changes, in the midst of total havoc? It's starting to have some anxiety issues (anxiety disorder was an issue for me in the past) and I want/need to pull myself together for everyone involved. He's trying to protect his kids as much as possible, but I know his ex is going to turn into a total raving lunatic when she gets these new custody papers. To top is off, her boyfriend is in jail for attempted murder and will be released from prison soon (don't ask me how he can even be released in the first place) and we have that worry on top of everything else. That's another reason he's trying to get custody of his kids. BF and I both have a strong religious/spiritual faith which is keeping us as strong as we can, but we've also vowed to be each others' strength and support. Any advice on how I can or even we can cope, make our relationship stronger for it and come out as two sane, grounded and relaxed people, would be great. Thanks so much!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-01-2004 - 1:37pm
darrensangel...

I have only one question...

When you have so many personal issues...some of which are health-related...why do want to involve yourself with people and situations who are only going to make your stress levels that much worse?

The guy you're in love with has no job, no nest egg, children by a previous marriage, an ex-wife who will continue to torment him (irregardless of who gets custody of the children), and is 1200 miles away! THIS IS A MARRIAGE? (It actually sounds a bit like a sitcom that was rejected by the networks).

What's important is the effect that all this "ready-to-wear garbage" is going to have on YOU? You might think you can handle some of it, but it sounds like the anxiety you're experiencing now will be 100 TIMES WORSE if you go through with this.

Rethink this....your sanity and health are more important than trying to correct a lot of unfortunate situations that you have ABSOLUTELY NO CONTROL OVER.

Sorry I can't be more optomistic in your case.

Pianoguy