strip clubs , what realy happens ????

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2004
strip clubs , what realy happens ????
7
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 2:32pm
JUST GOT DONE READING THE MESSAGE FROM SWEETNOPICHICK ON STRIP CLUBS

IVE ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT REALY GOES ON IN THEM SINCE IVE NEVER BEEN TO ONE HAVE JUST HEARD ABOUT THEM .MY HUSBAND WHOM I DONT APPROVE OF GOING WENT ONE TIME WITH HIS FRIENDS AND HE TOLD ME THAT UNLESS U PAY FOR LAP DANCES THEY WILL JUST COME UP TO U AND ASK U IF UD LIKE TO TIP THEM IF U DO THEN OF COURSE THEY KEEP COMING BACK FOR MORE AND IF U DONT THEN THEY DONT COME BACK AROUND TO UR TABLE BUT I OVER ALL THINK THAT IT IS CHEATING AND TOLD MY HUSBAND THAT IF HE EVER GOES BACK TO ONE THAT I WOULD REALY CONSIDER LEAVING HIM. FOR THE FACT THAT HE IS LOOKING AT OTHER NAKED WOMEN AND MOST OF ALL I DO THINK MAYBE IM THIS WAY BECAUSE IM VERY INSECURE . HE DOESNT UNDERSTAND WHY I DISAGREE HE SAYS THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THOSE PLACES AND I SHOULD LET HIM GO. I HAVE 2 BROTHERS WHO GO EVERY NOW AND THEN & THEY WILL BRING THE STRIPPERS HOME . I EVEN TOLD MY HUSBAND ONCE THAT I WUD CONSIDER HIM GOING BUT ONLY IF I CUD GO WITH HIM AND IF I DIDNT SEE ANYTHING WRONG THEN MAYBE I WUD LET HIM GO WITH HIS FRIENDS , WELL HE DIDNT WANT TO DO THAT SO MY THEN HE LEFT ME WONDERING WHY HE REALY DIDNT WANT TO TAKE ME WITH HIM I WAS GONNA EVEN CONSIDER HIM GOING . SO I DONT KNOW IM JUST CURIOUS IF THEY RUB THERE BOOBS ON U AND SO FORTH
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 3:46pm
Hi, well it depends on the strip club how bad things can get. For the most part just going and watching is not bad. The girls just dance up on stage and what have you, usually minimal contact with the customers. But when they pay for a lap dance things can range on what they do. Some strippers with take off the guys shirt and rub up and down him and gyrate on his lap and tings of that nature. Kind of simulated sex and waaaaaaaaaay too much physical contact for someone in a serious relationship I think. To me it is crossing the line to get a lap dance and a little too close for my comfort. I have been to many though and if my b/f just goes with friends just to watch them up on stage then I am ok with it. But private dances are a no no to me, I feel verrrry disrespectful on his behalf. I am currently trying to reach an agreement where I do not mind if he goes every now and then as long as he doe not get private dances. Fair enough huh? Looking never hurt anyone as long as there is no physical contact involved. I guess you have to trust your partner though.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 6:17pm
I've heard what goes on in strip clubs; I don't know if it's all true. I've heard that lap dancing is the real thing, if you know what I mean. I don't know if it is every time or not. I've heard of both men and women playing with the dancer's breasts. I even heard on the radio of a man actually getting smothered to death between a dancer's breasts! I guess they thought his wildly flailing arms indicated his excitement! Personally, I hate the whole idea. It's degrading to women, and men if they had the sense. And it's one step away from the world's oldest profession.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-16-2004 - 9:38pm
Many times when you "hear" stories of strip clubs they become overly embellished just like any other story that gets passed around. I'll give you the straight-up facts as to how strip clubs operate near where I live.

- Strippers perform on stages with customers being at least 6 to 10 feet away in most cases.

- Strippers do not walk around the crowd naked - they put some clothes on before hand. Yes they are very skimpy but private parts are covered.

- Men are not allowed to touch - period - no questions asked - otherwise you will be tossed out by the bouncers very quickly.

- There are table dances in which you pay some amount of money for the stripper to do a 5 minute show directly in front of you. Again men are not allowed to touch. This is where strippers earn the majority of their money. Stippers will try to "chat you up" to get you to PAY for a table dance.

- Where I live Lap Dances are banned so I have never seen one yet alone had one.

- I have been to a couple of places where if there is alcohol served then the stripper must keep her g-string on. It seems like each area has its own laws or rules. I'd suggest you get informed about the laws in your specific area and not rely on embellished stories.

- I have talked to women that have been in both male & female clubs. Every single one of them has stated that male strip shows and the women who attend are far more raunchy than any female strip club. You "hear" stories of boob flashing, panties being thrown at the strippers and whipped cream being sucked off a stripper's private parts during shows. Then again, these stories could easily be embellished too.

Are you going to start censoring the movies you watch given your insecurities? Is there too much skin in the American Pie movie series for you?

You won't always get what you want, but you will get what you negotiate. Consider a look but don't touch compromise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 8:58am
I'm posting again, trying to give you a well-rounded view. I always think of Christ's Words that if a man looks on a woman to lust after her, he has committed adultry with her already in his heart. Tell me the men who frequent strip clubs aren't lusting the women, and vice versa, the women lusting the men at male strip clubs. It's like taking fire to the bosom and expecting not to get burnt. It's just not wise. I think your insecurities are well-founded. It's a matter of principle. I don't know if it's grounds for divorce, but it comes VERY close in my estimation. As far as what goes on in those places, I think it's mostly a matter of how much money the customer has. Best wishes.
Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 2:00pm
The rules you listed are basically the rules for strip clubs in my area too. Different states have different rules, and I am sure there are places where the rules aren't strictly enforced and those in the know can get more contact than allowed by law. In my area, the rules are pretty strictly enforced, and I don't think many club owners are willing to risk their licenses to break them.

Avatar for lucy4980
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 2:04pm
If you believe that people can sin with their thoughts, then yes, looking at someone in lust when you are married would indeed be a sin. I personally do not believe that. I believe that people's actions are what count, not their thoughts. Their thoughts are their own and they can plot murder, adultery, theft, and whatever else all they want. As long as they don't carry out these thoughts, then there isn't a problem.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-19-2004 - 2:59pm
Strip clubs in my area are the same. I don't know of a local club here that would allow a lap dance. You would def. get thrown out if you even tried. If they did I can't say that I would agree with an obviously "taken" (committed) guy to get one. If my husband were to get one I wouldn't leave him however I would def. let him know that I absolutley did not agree with it ever happening again. (That's just TOO close and personal for my comfort). I personally wouldn't prohibit him from going because I know that they don't allow lap dances here and I trust him to use good mature judgement but in the posting that I replied to before, rlw1121 obviously knows he does it and he is not willing stop so unless they can comprimise (which is what I was insinuating she do) I think she needs to decide if she can be with a person who does this type thing...I believe that is what most everyone else is saying too. I've heard that if you "ask nicely" (at our local clubs...don't know about everywhere else) you can convience some of the girls to "go in the back" with you. Of course that's just hearsay. (or as spice.man put it... "embellished stories".) That's where the statement "just depends on how much you trust him" comes into play. I think rlw1121 and hazel27 should go (not with there guys, maybe with some girlfriends) just to see what they are like in there area before they jump to too many conclusions...find out first hand instead of taking someone else's word for it. As for hazel27's brothers bringing them home...although I don't agree with that either, if they are single then it's there own business. You've got to TRUST that your SO won't do anything like that. And like I said before, most of my friends are guys and I know for a fact that they all go to strip clubs. I also know for a fact that although they do go to look at the girls, it's more about "hanging" out "with the guys" than the setting they're in. About a fourth of them are married and another fourth have serious committed girlfriends. This does not change there thoughts about them, they still love there SO's and do not go to cheat or anything like that...again, it just depends on how much you trust your guy.