"stuck" in love

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2007
"stuck" in love
2
Mon, 05-28-2007 - 11:48pm
Ok, ok, so I know I'm in a "go no where" relationship... But I'm stuck, and I don't know how to get out of it! I have been with my boyfriend for over 4 years and we have been living together the entire time. He proposed to me over 3 years ago, and he hasn't even brought up the wedding since. Not that it matters, cause that's the last thing on my mind right now... He is a... difficult... man. But he has his moments. More often than not he arguees with me just for the sake of argueeing. He belittles me and calls me names- BAD NAMES. He doesn't let me have friends and he tries to keep me away from my family- and he talks down on them, too. Then he gives me guilt trips about how bad I treat him. I do everything for him- to much!! But he's got me in a position where I have no money, no friends, no where to go, forget about a job! He has taken care of me the last 4 years, but at the expense of my dignity and self-esteem. If I left, where would I even go, and how would I survive with no money!?! My family all lives far away in other states. I am just so scared to think I what I would do if I ever did get away. I don't even have any money stashed away! HELP!!!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 12:21am

The nature of an abuser is to isolate you from people who could help and support you. They also drag your self-esteem down to a place where you lack the confidence to get away from them. It is imperative that you get away from this man. If that means you move out of state and stay with friends or family until you can swing it on you own then that's what you do.

For now, get out and get a job. Stop allowing him to take care of you and run your life. He's not going to give you permission to get your self-esteem back it is something you are going to have to be very committed to doing on your own and seeking outside sources for help and support.

It's not easy but it can be done as long as you realize the only person who can fix your life is you.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 1:55am

While your family are states away, surely someone would take you in. They could buy you (or loan the money for) a plane/bus ticket to go and be with them. Once you're with your family, you can start getting back on your feet by finding a job, and then accomodation.

If he won't let you leave, call the police and ask for an escort out of the house.

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