Stuck in the Middle

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Stuck in the Middle
7
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 7:45pm

I really debated back and forth about whether or not to post on the board, so please understand that I am coming from a long line of worry.


My boyfriend is 25, and I am 23.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2007
Sun, 07-13-2008 - 9:42pm

I think the overnights were ok for a while because he really wanted a relationship and he initially went against his "grain" of spending that much time together, by having you sleep over more frequently.

Missy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 1:37am
What drama from a man - he hasnt "made up his mind" as to whether or not he wants to break up?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 9:12am

I agree with the other responses to you. And I want to add, this guy is not feeling 100% about you or the relationship. At this point it's safe to say that his effort, and ability to put in effort, is pretty half-assed. So he's uncomfortable sharing so much of himself with you, why would that cause him to even THINK about breaking up with you... Unless somewhere in his mind he thought it might be the right answer?

It's hard not to want an "overall picture" from the little tidbits of information he's dropping for you. I tried to think about that when reading your post and the most obvious conclusion I can see is that you two just have not "gelled" enough as a couple for it to be something long-lasting. I think the fact that you find him hard to read speaks for that too; I really believe that when two people are right together they have a connection that helps them communicate and understand one another. Really, this is mostly because of him. He's too reserved, too wishy-washy, too dramatic, too hesitant, too contrary. I think it would be a mistake to keep conceding to his wishes to move so slowly, because to be honest I think he wouldn't be acting this way if he really thought you were the one for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 11:28am

Forgive my wording.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2008
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 11:38am

I don't agree that thinking about breaking up with someone means the relationship is doomed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 1:25pm

"I don't agree that thinking about breaking up with someone means the relationship is doomed."
I didn't say that. I just don't think that he's in it 100% if he is thinking about breaking up with you and is serious enough to tell you that.

"I've considered - with different levels of seriousness - breaking up with everyone I've ever dated."
To be fair, you did end up breaking up with them at some point.

"I hope I don't come across as one of those people who came to a message board for advice only to shout down the people willing to look at the situation. "
Wellllll..... Not as bad as some, but you clearly have your own opinion about the situation. Which is fine. You know him better than any of us here, if you think you communicate and understand one another well enough to be right together then your word means more than mine, I truly mean that. I'm just trying to offer you what it sounds like to an outside party. We all understand that the guy you're talking about is not some evil character, and that he has good traits that you like and fit well with. It's just not clear, looking at what you've written, that you two are the best match who bring out the best in one another. Moving slowly is fine, I did it in my relationship of 3 and a half years (we didn't say I Love You until more than 6 months in) and it made us better, but I don't understand why a relationship that is as young as yours has to be so iffy. I just don't see much confidence in him that this is long-term. He doesn't want to "entertain" for that length of time? You really buy this? At this point you're not an unwanted in-law, you're someone he should feel comfortable enough with that he doesn't feel he has to entertain.

I guess I see that as the biggest problem here. He's not entirely comfortable with you and 10 months seems like more than a long enough time to acclimate to someone.

Again I don't think you're doomed, but it seems you already know that the answer to staying with him is to... just continue waiting. I'm skeptical that his comfort level will increase too much given more time. But of course it's up to you, you know the risks and it seems you think he's worth it so there's your answer. I hope it works out for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 07-14-2008 - 3:23pm

Welcome to the board shortsoprano,.


Well, he's been honest with you.