There are people in my family that I know can seem condescending upon first impression or have a dry sense of humor and he just gets it stuck in his head that he doesn't like them.
I agree with starbuck, his grudges are his own problem and people have the reactions they do because of PRIOR EMOTIONAL PROGRAMMING... Not because of one specific person. If he gets angry at something you do, it's not because you have done something to MAKE him angry, but rather because he feels it is something to which the proper response is anger. For example.
His reactions are his own to identify and control. Although, it is difficult to be in the presence of someone we don't like for a good reason and not be able to tell them what we think of them. I can understand that he's feeling very frustrated, he just has to sit and deal with these people. Of course for him it would be easier to burn bridges, he isn't related to them by blood, and the only thing holding him back from giving them a piece of his mind is the affect on their relationship to YOU.
In this case, the role of the peacemaker may be difficult but it is necessary. If he tells off your aunt, chances are she will punish him by cutting off her relationship to you. while he has authority over his own actions, he does not have the right to take an action that would cause you and your relationships to suffer. I would remind him that any action he takes against them does damage to your relationship with your family.
I have to say that fights do not usually cause a rut, in fact it usually has the opposite effect... So these could be separate issues.
Can you give an example of what he says when he complains about your family, and what you say to him in return?
There are people in my family that I know can seem condescending upon first impression or have a dry sense of humor and he just gets it stuck in his head that he doesn't like them.
<< He holds a grudge big time!
I agree with starbuck, his grudges are his own problem and people have the reactions they do because of PRIOR EMOTIONAL PROGRAMMING... Not because of one specific person. If he gets angry at something you do, it's not because you have done something to MAKE him angry, but rather because he feels it is something to which the proper response is anger. For example.
His reactions are his own to identify and control. Although, it is difficult to be in the presence of someone we don't like for a good reason and not be able to tell them what we think of them. I can understand that he's feeling very frustrated, he just has to sit and deal with these people. Of course for him it would be easier to burn bridges, he isn't related to them by blood, and the only thing holding him back from giving them a piece of his mind is the affect on their relationship to YOU.
In this case, the role of the peacemaker may be difficult but it is necessary. If he tells off your aunt, chances are she will punish him by cutting off her relationship to you. while he has authority over his own actions, he does not have the right to take an action that would cause you and your relationships to suffer. I would remind him that any action he takes against them does damage to your relationship with your family.
Welcome to the board mwebber7582,
I think pre-martial counseling would be good for the two of you.
You do realize that by the time you're married, you're committed to a man who holds grudges and takes things out on you, right?
But is also willing to work on it and talk through it.
If you can meet each other halfway maybe you can climb out of your rut.
Here's a solution: