Stupid Mistake

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-23-2007
Stupid Mistake
4
Fri, 11-23-2007 - 2:09pm
OK - Here goes. My fiance has suspected that I have been text messaging an ex for a few weeks now. Me being stupid, denied it. My fiance went onto my cell phone account (with my permission) to look to get me a new phone for Christmas. My fiance saw about 20 text messages to my ex over a four month span. All of these text messages were innocent, but as I didn't tell my fiance that I had heard from my ex and worse yet, lied when asked if I had heard from my ex, my fiance is very upset. My fiance now feels like the trust is gone in our relationship. To make matters worse, the week before this happened, I had been flirting with a bartender. The bartender started flirting with me and I used it to get free drinks for my fiance, our friends and I. My fiance told me that they didn't like this behavior, so I will now cease this type of activity. My fiance was present the whole time. So - what can I do to salvage our relationship? I have called my ex with my fiance present and told my ex that I did not want to have any contact with them. I also changed my cell phone number so my ex could not get in touch with me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: fishing21
Fri, 11-23-2007 - 3:07pm

Welcome to the board fishing21,


Rebuilding trust after a betrayal (lying) is not easy to do. It usually requires counseling and full accountability.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: fishing21
Sun, 11-25-2007 - 4:26pm

You're going to have to prove it by spending a long time simply BEING trustworthy.

It might sound mean, but when someone writes into this board telling us that their boyfriend/girlfriend lies about contact with an ex and is flirting with other people, we encourage them to leave because everyone is better off without a liar.

Start being a person worth being with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: fishing21
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 12:02pm
I agree with the other posters about earning his trust back. However, I think that the more important issue is the "why" of having participated in these behaviors. By giving him permission to look at your cell phone info and *knowing* that that info would be available to him by doing so and by flirting with the bartender and probably *knowing* that this would not be acceptable behavior to your fiance, you seem to be trying, consciously or not, to cause a problem or end to your relationship with him. I think that getting into some individual counseling to discover the "why" here, if you don't already know, would be a very important thing to do! Only at that point can you really rebuild your relationship with your fiance, IMO.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: fishing21
Mon, 11-26-2007 - 2:41pm
Do you really want to get married? Do you really think you are mature enough to act as a wife?