Sudden breakup help
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Sudden breakup help
| Wed, 08-15-2007 - 1:11pm |
I'm new to this site, and just found it while trying to find answers.
I met her 8 years ago, we dated 7 years ago while she was in college. She broke up with me, saying she cared too much too fast and didn't want to hurt me. Flash forward to two years ago - I've spent 4 years in a hellish relationship with someone I couldn't stand, because I was afraid I couldn't do any better. She was on the verge of divorce from her husband, because she was realizing (sadly) that she had settled for someone "safe," rather than follow her heart. We ran into eachother, and renewed our friendship. After our respective divorces, we started spending more and more time together, and eventually started dating again. things continue beautifully for the last year and a half. About three weeks ago, she started acting somewhat strange. She lost interest in sex, and in being alone with me in general. I tried to be supportive, and to show that I still had interest, but that her well-being was of greater interest. She always wanted to go out - even on days we made plans to spend at home alone, we'd somehow end up doing things with people - often not at home. Three days ago, she came to me and said she had a lot of issues to work through. She was scheduled to travel out of town for work Monday and Tuesday, but she also spent Sunday at a friend's house. Per her request, I gave her space to work things out while she was gone. She came back Tuesday night, and told me that it was over. She said that I had done nothing wrong. I had been "nothing ever but wonderful," so she said. She was "just not _here_ anymore." And that was it. While she was gone, I made an appointment for therapy to help me explore my feelings and to figure out if couples counseling was a good idea; I decided it was, but she never even considered it. As far as she was concerned, it was just over. can anyone illuminate me on this? I'm still waiting for my therapy appointment. I love her, and I hate the idea that this is just a fear of commitment - the renewed fear she had of hurting me, or something. She has a sad history of running from romance, which I think is tied in with her mother's history of multiple divorces. I don't want us to lose this amazing, wonderful, loving relationship over some issue that could easily be overcome, if she would only allow us to try. Does this sound like I'm at all accurate in my assessments? Dare I have any hope? Or am I deluding myself? She said that there will be no return, but I can't stop wondering. Any advice is welcome.
I met her 8 years ago, we dated 7 years ago while she was in college. She broke up with me, saying she cared too much too fast and didn't want to hurt me. Flash forward to two years ago - I've spent 4 years in a hellish relationship with someone I couldn't stand, because I was afraid I couldn't do any better. She was on the verge of divorce from her husband, because she was realizing (sadly) that she had settled for someone "safe," rather than follow her heart. We ran into eachother, and renewed our friendship. After our respective divorces, we started spending more and more time together, and eventually started dating again. things continue beautifully for the last year and a half. About three weeks ago, she started acting somewhat strange. She lost interest in sex, and in being alone with me in general. I tried to be supportive, and to show that I still had interest, but that her well-being was of greater interest. She always wanted to go out - even on days we made plans to spend at home alone, we'd somehow end up doing things with people - often not at home. Three days ago, she came to me and said she had a lot of issues to work through. She was scheduled to travel out of town for work Monday and Tuesday, but she also spent Sunday at a friend's house. Per her request, I gave her space to work things out while she was gone. She came back Tuesday night, and told me that it was over. She said that I had done nothing wrong. I had been "nothing ever but wonderful," so she said. She was "just not _here_ anymore." And that was it. While she was gone, I made an appointment for therapy to help me explore my feelings and to figure out if couples counseling was a good idea; I decided it was, but she never even considered it. As far as she was concerned, it was just over. can anyone illuminate me on this? I'm still waiting for my therapy appointment. I love her, and I hate the idea that this is just a fear of commitment - the renewed fear she had of hurting me, or something. She has a sad history of running from romance, which I think is tied in with her mother's history of multiple divorces. I don't want us to lose this amazing, wonderful, loving relationship over some issue that could easily be overcome, if she would only allow us to try. Does this sound like I'm at all accurate in my assessments? Dare I have any hope? Or am I deluding myself? She said that there will be no return, but I can't stop wondering. Any advice is welcome.

Welcome to the board mr.j2007,
It could be fear of commitment and/or baggage from childhood, but it could be that while the two of you were in a bad place just before you got together that you were the transitional relationship that helped her get her feet back on the ground and feel better about herself.