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| Sun, 12-16-2007 - 5:12pm |
How do we go on from here b/c I know our relationship will work out...
Dated for 4 years... lived together since March... hasnt been staying at our place since mid october....
So we I have hung out with my ex a few times. about a week and a half ago we met to talk and ended up talking for a few hours where he said that he thinks we need to grow independently and he needs to be by himself. Later in the conversation he mentions us working on things depending on certain things with me.
We hung out this past wednesday...
We were talking and hanging out and the night was going ok and i decided when he was about to leave to talk about us. He said if I didnt say what I did to him that we would still be together, regardless of everything else.
I now see that he might still be dealing the reason we are not together in the first place. Story: 2 months ago, he went away for the weekend to a funeral (i didnt go b/c he was not talking to his dad and he thought it would be uncomfortable if I went and I thought b/c of the situation he should have my support but I just didnt go and i was upset about that) and ended up staying longer than he was supposed to and I said in a sarcastic tone "why dont you just move back to palm coast (the place he was visiting). Basically it was that and the fact that lately I had been getting into needless arguments with him.
I started to kind of tear up with the conversation we were having and he could see that. He said he was not trying to make me sad. He thinks that I havent changed b/c I just push and push. i have been in therapy since the week I made that comment to him b/c I didnt want to keep acting like that. Therapy has helped with my behavior, I just cant seem to get over the sadness of us not being together right now.
He says that when I made that comment to him, that that was me kicking him out.
I am a mess. I dont know what to do at this point.
I feel that I should have just let him go instead of talking and see where things went from then on but I just had to know and now look where it got me.
i called him the next day to apologize and I got one word out and he said that "he was on his way to work and * * * * ing didnt want to talk about anything."
now that it is official that we are not together, we obviously have our other obligations as far as the apt/bills (we have a place together that we cannot sublet due to the rules of our lease that ends september 2008. i cannot afford the place by myself. we kind of talked about that night, but have made no solid plans. i wanted to call and talk to him but thought to wait a bit after that last conversation we had.
i figured we can make arrangements that dont involve us talking that much, that way he will have time to deal with his issues and then when the time is right, we can begin to talk and figure things out re: us. it will be hard b/c i love him so much, but lately all i have done is add to the stress he is feeling and that is getting us no where. i just dont really know how to make the conversation short and sweet and leave it open to a point where he can know to contact me in the future when he is ready and that i would like it if we could be cool with each other during the time while he heals.
I don't want to mess up anymore.
I would really like some points of view, suggestions... Thanks a lot for your help.

I think you need to either find a roommate, or take the financial hit and leave your lease early. It's not really subletting if you're turning his name on the lease over to someone else while you're still there.
You obviously pushed him way too far when you made that comment and it broke the relationship for him. I think you should do your best to let him go - at least for now. If he wants you to make progress in therapy and really wants you back then he'll come to you, but you should be dealing with living arrangements right now because the time for mending a relationship is obviously not yet.
Welcome to the board tiffy4269,
Sorry to say, but I think you should focus on you and your healing.