supposed to leave tomorrow, help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
supposed to leave tomorrow, help!
5
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 1:13pm
i wrote recently about how i have seen my ex (while i am currently in a committed relatioship)...my ex and i kissed, etc. etc. my current BF and i are supposed to leave for vacation tomorrow to visit his fmaily. i came down with strep throat and don't feel well, so i told him i might not be up for traveling on a plane, etc. i do have to admit though that i kind of want to see my ex again and that is a part of the reason i don't want to go. what i truly want is to let go of my ex and try to make this relationship with my current bf work. so, help do i go on the trip or cancel???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 1:38pm
If you have strep you shouldn't be traveling and you are very contagious aren't you?

The other issue is that you are not over your ex and you are not honest with your current bf. Get real here. The vacation isn't going to help or hinder your problem. Be honest with yourself and your boyfriend. He deserves it. More importantly he deserves a woman who wants what he wants in a relationship.

By the way, it helps everyone if you just update on your old post instead of starting a new one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Fri, 08-20-2004 - 2:10pm
Personally, I think you are having your cake and eating it too..... do your boyfriend a favor, come clean with him about your ex and break up with him until you are really ready for a committed relationship.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 10:14am
Well...just an update...my boyfriend and I just got back from vacation last nite and we had an unbelievable time. I am so glad I made the decision to go. It cleared up any confusion I may have had. I have come to understand that I will always hold a special place for my ex, and that I will probably always care for him. But I have moved on and and couldn't be with a better man. I won't risk that again. It was foolish and I was caught up there for a week or two. "I can see clearly now" and thank god! The only question I have at this point is...do i tell my ex I can no longer speak to him or just never call? He knows I was returning last nite, so I'm sure he is expecting a call. Keep in mind he dumped me after 4 years and never called me again...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 10:26am
It doesn't matter that he dumped you. Don't call him and if he calls you just tell him the truth but make it short. Then move on.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 10:42am

Whether or not you can go on the trip physically is a medical question if you have strep throat. Consult your medical doctor about this. If you can go medically, and you do want to work on your relationship with your boyfriend, then I would go. Certainly seeing your ex again and kissing him, etc., is not the way to go if you want to make things better with your current boyfriend. It sounds as though you still have feelings for your ex that you haven't completely resolved and that this is clearly getting in the way of your relationship with your present boyfriend. The way to work those feelings through is not by meeting with him, but by talking them out with a counsellor...seeing him again only stirs the feelings up and makes you want to resume the relationship. While a conflict like this is natural, it certainly can stop a person from committing fully to a new person and moving forward in their lives. Or, is it possible you want to go back with your ex really? I suggest you talk to someone who is well trained and objective to sort your feelings out.


Best wishes.