"Taboo" sex has gotten out of control

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
"Taboo" sex has gotten out of control
12
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:29pm
Where do you start with this... perhaps at help need input?

I will admit that I too enjoy pushing the more liberal boundaries of sex. I suppose I can chalk it up to curiosity and the desire to try many stimulating things as part of the continual life experience.

The great news and upside is I have found a great guy who is just as curious and just as open to trying new and exciting things... only it seems to have gotten out of control and I am not longer as comfortable with his reasons for why he wants to explore or personal need to explore.

So here it goes...

I have tried sex with another woman - we actually paid for a professional so she would know what to do and basically provide a positive experience. It was.

We tried couple sex and it was great up until the point I caught him taking off his condom and "finishing" with her. I immediately let him know after they left that I was A - furious that he would put us in danger of STDs and B – that he was cut off for a month and until as long as it took to produce a clean bill of health from the local clinic (I had too much wine is not an excuse for what happened)

I then postponed anymore couple or threesomes because he always seems to talk about “two women at once” anytime we start to stimulate each other during sex. He could never seem to play out a fantasy without ALWAYS including another woman with us.

Swingers clubs or an orgy... yeah I want to try it but no I do not want it to be a regular part of my sex life. He is continually pushing for it and even wants to swing more often with other couples.

So know I start to ask... am I the girlfriend who is open and exploring with/for him or have I crossed the fine line of the girlfriend who has given him the opportunity to have sex with other women under the guise of threesomes and swinging?

He also seems to be pushing the alternative lifestyle much more... wanting it to become a part of our lives. It's like I have opened a Pandora's Box and now want to go to the other extreme of very vanilla - just us with absolutely not more mentioning of other women/men couples in our sex lives.

Have I become a prude?

Has he become addicted to something new and before taboo?

Is it unreasonable of me to no longer want to mention fantasies of other women, opportunities of having sex with other women or any other couple/threesome alternative sex?

What do you say to him when he says he wants to continually explore – meaning threesome, couples, swing clubs, orgies – as part of life since the vanilla sex would be boring?

What do you do when it has come to this?

HELP!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 3:57pm
I have to say i'm sorry to gaisu, I missunderstood what you ment in your post. I thought you were attacking her because of a choice that she made. I do agree that this kind of life style isn't for every one and condoms shoul ALWAYS be on when haveing sex with multiple partners for every one's safety. but the desision is really up to you if you don't feel comfortable "swinging" or group sex then I would end the relationship just because it wouldn't fair to either of you and sooner or later you both would be miserable leading a lifestyle you don't want. but then again you might be able to compromise so your both happy but again it all come's back down to comunication. so you need to talk to to you S/O and see where it takes you. I wish you the best of luck in what ever happens.

Opsicle

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2004
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 5:07pm
I have to agree with another post in here, it was sick that he took off the condom. I may be way off on this, but it seems after that incident things changed. Did you in all honesty get jealous in anyway? I know if I were into the couples, swinging ect. at the point of me seeing him take off his condom, my jealous side would come out because I believe then it goes to a whole different level, its not just sex anymore it becomes more personal. When I was reading this I thought "oh, they like coupling and swinging good for them, more power to 'em", but came upon that part and my stomach sank. I think he is into this more than you are. You opened his eyes to whole new world that he won't be able to resist, yes pandora's box was opened. Would you get hurt if he continued this without you? would you consider it cheating? I have to wonder if he'll slow down if you asked him to. No experience in this field. Like everyone else said, talk and see what happens. Figure your feelings first and then talk.

Good luck!!

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