A tactful excuse, please?

Avatar for inana18
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
A tactful excuse, please?
6
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 7:40am
Good morning , I have a question that I would appreciate a possible solution to. We are having a friend over to our house who has not been over since we purchased our computer and computer center. They have three children who are very hyperactive and can be very destructive. They are from ages 9-14. They have destroyed so many items in their home, as well as other's homes .

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings,including their parents, but my dh and I absolutely DO NOT want them operating the computer, nor do we want to have it even on when they come over . They all know how to work the computer and the kids said that they can't wait to come over to use ours.

Please help me in figuring out what I can say as to why we " can't " or " won't" put on the computer when they are here ?

Thanks ever so much for all of your suggestions.

Hope you and your families have a Happy and Healthy New Year.

Inana

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 8:21am
Talk to their parents and tell them the simple truth. Their kids have broken things before, and so you will not allow them to use the computer. The computer is a tool, not a children's toy. If they don't like it suggest they buy the kids their own computer- that should shut them up quickly.

Don't worry so much about tact- did they worry about your feelings when they broke your stuff? Those kids are old enough to know better.

Did the parents pay for a replacement for the items they broke?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 8:42am
Just tell them that it's a new computer and anybody under the age of 18 is not allowed to use it. Don't bother being tactful, just say it's your new computer and if anyone is going to be responsible for breaking it, it'll be you!

Peace - Pebbles

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 10:52am
Or you could just lie. Take the fuse out the plug and tell 'em its broken.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 01-02-2004 - 11:02am

You have absoslutely no obligation at all to allow them to use your computer. Boundaries are extremely important in all relationships. It is up to you to decide what is acceptable in your home. You are the host, they are the guests. These children may be permitted to run haywire in their own enviornment, but you do not have to go along with this for yourselves. Keep the computers turned off. Let them know in advance that you prefer that no one use them. It's as simple as that. There is nothing rude about it. These are your personal computers and just because they wish to enjoy them, does not mean that it is comfortable or acceptable to you. That's fine. Many people have a variety of wishes and behaviors. Just because they want something does not mean you must supply it, if it doesn't feel good to you. This is the nature of life itself. Saying no tastefully is not only crucial at times, but without the ability to do so, you will become run over by everyone else's wishes and needs.


Have a happy new year.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 4:32pm
I would get a couple age appropriate board games/videos for the kids and if they ask about the computer, I would say (in a friendly tone) that that is something that is off limits to anyone else but you. Case closed. I wouldn't feel bad at all about this - This is an expensive item and even if they didn't have a history of breaking things, I don't think I'd like other kids playing on it. If the parents/kids don't understand, that's their problem.

And I don't think that lying is the thing to do for two reasons. I don't think lying is right and then what would you do the next time they come over? The truth is always the right way to go.




Edited 1/4/2004 4:33:55 PM ET by bluewrite

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2003
Sun, 01-04-2004 - 5:42pm
Just be honest. Tell them that the children have broken things in your home before and that you are not comfortable with the children using your computer. I'm sure there can be other activities for them like another poster said - games/videos. Why do they let their children go into other people's homes and destroy things. Do they have no control over them? I might address that one, too.