Taken For Granted?
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Taken For Granted?
| Mon, 11-26-2007 - 9:45pm |
I've been with my bf for over a year now...and I'm starting to feel like he takes me for granted.
| Mon, 11-26-2007 - 9:45pm |
I've been with my bf for over a year now...and I'm starting to feel like he takes me for granted.
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Face it. This guy isn't on the same page as you romantically. But... It's not a fault of his, and he's not wrong for it, he's just different from you. Giving a card after dating for six months is perfectly normal and appropriate. Maybe he felt weird about giving your daughter a card for her birthday. Judging a person by the presents they give is extremely erroneous, and if you really need gifts in order to feel as though you're not being taken for granted, then you need to tell him so.
You're not going to make your guy more romantic, that's not who he is. Even if you succeed a little bit, it will be a success only in forcing him to act out of character just to please you. That doesn't sound very satisfying for you. Here's a hint... If you feel like you're giving him too much, the answer isn't to EXPECT MORE from him - it's to stop giving so much! Not everyone is into smushy love letters and Emails. He has a different perspective of affection than you do, and you can either continue to try forcing him to become more like you, or accept him how he is and deal with him accordingly.
I seriously think you need to date someone else. This guy is not very affectionate and you clearly can't accept someone who doesn't show love in the exact same way that you do. You'd be happier with someone who is more romantic, and honestly I believe that part of the reason you put in so much effort is because you are trying to get something back from him. Just stop... It's not going to happen. I don't think you should hold your breath waiting for this guy to come around.
Welcome to the board kiddo_as,
If he's changed and taking you for granted, my guess is that the two of you aren't experiencing as much 'emotional bonding' to keep the interest and 'in love' feelings going.... however, since it changed early on 6 - 9 months if I read your first post correctly, well, that's the 'honeymoon' phase, where it should be more exciting, etc.
Does he even know how much exchanging gifts means to you? Different people attribute different levels of importance to gifts. Personally, celebrating Christmas and birthdays (and small gift exchanges) are really important to me. Most of the men in my life (friends, brothers, father), on the other hand, couldn't care less. Last year, I was seeing someone who suggested we don't celebrate Christmas with each other. I initially agreed, but then realised how upset I would be. So I sat him down, told him that I wanted to exchange gifts then set a price limit and theme. Don't be afraid to speak up. You'd be amazed at what you receive when you ask.
About bringing your daughter gifts, you didn't specify how old she was, but I'm assuming she's at an age where you can get her something, put his name on it and she'll never know the different. My mom often did that for my father since he wasn't very good at shopping and we never knew the difference. Besides, kids are sensitive about presents, yes, but what they care about it is that they're getting them. They don't care who is doing the giving until they are much older. By the time she's old enough to care, she'll be quite capable of speaking up for herself. Still, let him know how important this is to you and you might be surprised. Agreeing to buy a 15$ barbie doll from WalMart once a year shouldn't need too much convincing.
About showing affection, does he spend hours trying to fix your computor/car/stereo system? Does he run to the pharmacy or make you soup when you're sick? Does he politely listen to you talk about women things? Those are very tangible ways of showing affection and they tend to come easier to many people than letter writing.
Well, I completely understand where you're coming from. But apparently there is a type of guy out there who just isn't into that kind of thing....I'm dating one too. And his best friend is one as well. He doesn't do romantic gestures, he doesn't show affection very much, he doesn't even want to ever have sex, he never suggests we go out (so I suggest it and end up paying for it every single time) and so on. Yes, he did get me presents for Valentine's Day and my birthday, but I think that some guys just have a different way of showing love. My own relationship is actually teetering on the edge right now because I KNOW that I need more than what I'm getting, and I can't expect him to change. I'm sure there's some girl out there who doesn't need as much love that will make my boyfriend happy. It basically comes down to different people needing different amounts of love.
I know this probably isn't what you wanted to hear, but just know that there are other women out there feeling the same way.
Welcome to the board delightfulcrab and thanks for participating.
Ok, I've read all the responses and 100% agree that people have different needs and styles in matters of the heart.
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