Taking a break

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2004
Taking a break
5
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 2:00am
My boyfriend and I have been going out for nearly 4 months now... everything went really fast in the beginning, as soon as we met, we started dating. Anyway, he's been acting weird lately and last nite he asked me to take a break from our relationship for a week or two, because he said i was getting too attatched to him. He also said he doesn't love me and doesn't want me to love him. I was confused by this and he said that he could love me tomorrow if he wanted to, but he needs to take a break and sort stuff out, he says he wants to be 'sure'. Is taking a break a good thing for a relationship like this? I've never been in this situation before and I ffeel really rejected and hurt by what he said....
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 11:25am
It is totally understandable that you feel jilted and hurt by his decision to take a break from you and this relationship.

Perhaps your boyfriend is just completely overwhelmed by the relationship - and feels as if he is not in control of anything. At this point - you have no choice but to give him this break because I feel that if you try to force yourself on him and discuss whatever he is feeling - you will only alienate him more and push him away even further.

Depending on the situation (& the people involved) - taking a break can be a good or bad thing. I have been involved in both types where the relationship sustained and others where it just fell completely apart. I suggest that you just be the supportive girlfriend, giving him his space to figure out whatever, don't pressure him & let him come back to you with a better explanation of what's going on. I don't think you really have much of a choice unless you just want to end this relationship and move on. Use this time to also figure out what's going on with you and where you want to see this relationship go.

Good luck...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 01-12-2004 - 5:52pm
If someone needs a break from you after only 4 months you can take that as a BIG RED FLAG. If someone told me he didn't love me and didn't want me to love him, that would be our last conversation. I personally do not need to be hit over the head with a dumbell to know when someone is not what I'm looking for! C'mon girl!
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-13-2004 - 10:15am

Your boyfriend sounds childish and as though he is not ready for being in a mature, growing relationship. He doesn't know how he feels or what he wants. Obviously he is afraid of becoming closer and committed. If I were you, I would let this relationship be a thing of the past. Clearly, you've gotten to a point where he feels things are growing deeper and he is afraid. Find someone who is more mature, healthy and able to allow love to grow in a natural way. Otherwise, you may waste a lot of time and emotion here jockeying back and forth. The problem here is his, not yours. Don't blame yourself for this.


All good wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2004
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 2:57pm
I agree with the last two. How old is he.. I have date a couple of guys like this 25-27 and they pull this.. You dont want to date a guy that doesnt know what he wants and after 4 months that just ridiculous.. Ive learned to walk away feeling are still new... I stayed with two gusy who pulled the same stuff and they kept on pulling it.. I just ended a relationship with a guy after 4 months that only spent in 4 months once a night with me.. Talk about being scared he would never make time for me.. I would let it go.. Its him and he needs to grow up..If hes already getting scared now who knows it a year.. You deserve more and your worth more all women are.... Just tell him if he doesn't know you want someone who does know that he wants to be with you .. Ill bet hell miss you and call you in the future but you'll probably be moved on by the. Good luck ..
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Fri, 01-16-2004 - 8:58pm
He sounds like he's got some major committment issues. Why would I know, you ask? I had someone break up with me after 22 months because he couldn't deal with the possibility of marriage. (we are in our mid 30's) I am reading "He's Scared, She's Scared" and it addresses these type of issues. It has helped me heal and understand him. I strongly recommend it.
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