Taking steps back...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Taking steps back...
6
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 1:57pm
Hi everyone...new to the board, here. I just wanted to pose a question to everyone...do you think it's possible for two people to take a step back to work on unresolved issues before getting back into a serious relationship? Here's some background on my situation. My bf and I have been dating on and off for 2 years. Mostly on. Recently, we have had a HUGE fight and didn't talk for 2 weeks. After having talked at length for the last two days, we decided to "take a step back" and resolve all the underlying issues that we have before we get back into a serious relationship. There is no doubt in either of our minds that we love each other very much and we want to be together. Is this a reasonable solution to our problem? We both feel like the issues can't be ignored and must be dealt with, but in order to do that we don't need to be deep into a serious relationship with each other... Are we crazy??
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 2:19pm

How are you going to resolve the issues?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 2:54pm
I agree!

What are you doing proactively?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 3:03pm
I don't know, I think if your mature enough to assess the situation on your own then go for it. If it doesn't work, then get counseling. It's a step in the right direction by realizing something needed to be done. If your both serious about each other then I don't see how it can hurt. Now if your not as serious as you think then here's where it comes out, once you "step back" and you realize your not as serious as you 1st thought you were then the you won't come back. I think taking a step back will let you see if you need counseling or if maybe the problem wasn't as big as you 1st thought and you can work through it on your own or if maybe it just wasnt meant to be. I think you should always try to work it out on your own, but know that once you realize you can't (and if you think it is worth the work and effort) then there's always counseling to help you along.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 4:22pm
I agree with the previous posters. I think it also matters what these underlying "issues" are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 4:37pm
It's a communication thing...or sometimes the lack thereof. Neither one of us enjoys confrontation, which means that we don't always get our feelings and frustrations out completely. We tend to give each other the "watered down" version of what is really wrong us when we are upset. I honestly think that it is something that we can get through ourselves. We have had two EXTREMELY good talks this week about things and we seem to be getting closer to being on the same page. However, now is when we have to start working on better communication with each other.

Unfortunately, therapy isn't really an option for us financially.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2003
Thu, 03-11-2004 - 11:54pm
I am totally in the same boat with you here. I think that both of the people have to work on their own communication issues before the couple can talk about it (easier said then done I know). I think that taking a step back is a good decision and it will help you and your boyfriend assess the issues at hand and how each of you would like to deal with it. Now if only it weren't so damn hard to do.