"te amo" text

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
"te amo" text
10
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 9:31am

I'm going to make this as short as I can.  About 3 years ago, my wife and I found constantly about how affectionate she was with her male coworkers.  Full frontal hugs (chest to chest, cheek to cheek).  My arguement was that some men would read more into that than she intended.  She told me how rediculous I was being so I let it go.  In time, her guy friends would see me out in the street and literally laugh at me, wink at me, blow kisses at me.  I figured my respect wasn't her responsibility so I stepped to those guys and straightened things out.  I "gave in", figured that's just how she is...a huggy person.  So for the past 3 years it's not been an issue.  Then the other day, her personal cell phone buzzes.  History: She carries her business cell all the time, not her personal.  When either of our cells rings, we'll check it, see who it is, and tell the other to make a call back.  So it wasn't like I was "snooping".  So......her phone buzzes, I check to make sure it wasn't someone like her sister or father (both live out of our state).  I open her phone to see a text thread between her and a male coworker.  The bulk of the conversation was harmless, mosly work related.  But the two just came back from an out of town business trip and my wife's last thread to him was "It's always so nice to see you again.  Te amo."  (my wife is Spanish) and he replies: "It was really nice seeing you again, te amo."  To say I'm pissed is an understatement.  To say I'm hurt is a no brainer.  I haven't confronted her yet because I know that with my feelings being so hurt....I'd say something I'd probably regret.

Help me out Ladies. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 9:32am
I should have spell checked first. My first line should have been: my wife and I fought constantly.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 9:32am
I should have spell checked first. My first line should have been: my wife and I fought constantly.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 4:19pm

I'd also be unhappy about a spouse sending "I love you" texts to another person.  I think when you calm down, you do have to talk to her about it.  I also do not go around hugging my male coworkers because it's unprofessional.  I've never been in a workplace where people hugged.  Now with that being said, I do have male friends that I hug and there is nothing going on romantically with them.  It's just odd to me to do it at work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 4:25pm

Thanks for your perspective.  I totally agree.  I fully understand that a person can have a close opposite sex friend that they hug upon greeting.  But like you said...the work environment seems a little off to me.  And I am upset about the text.  Luckily I didn't have work today and only one class.  I've had time to maul this over and I think I'm in a good enough place to bring this to her attention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 01-16-2014 - 11:43pm

Just curious, what kind of work does your wife do?  If she's in a business office, that hugging can easily be misconstrued and sexual harassment.  There are other invironments where it might be more common.......like a factory.  But a married woman doing that in ANY environment is just asking for trouble.  And te amo is a bit much. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Fri, 01-17-2014 - 1:10am

I don't get why her male friends would be doing that to you. It's almost like their mocking you or something. And her and her co worker saying "I love you" to each other (especially when they just got back from a business trip together) is very suspicious. I would keep a eye on that business phone of hers if I were you.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Fri, 01-17-2014 - 2:25am

  Be careful.  Sometimes people do not realize that liking and love are different.  I disagree with peacy in that nothing was done "to" you.  But in today's climate it is a bit strange. 

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Sat, 01-18-2014 - 3:22am

I want to thank everybody for their responses.  To answer one: my wife works in the cable TV business.  She's the manager of a cable retail store.  I took another poster's advice and waited a day to let myself cool down.  I confronted her about the text.  Let her know how I felt about the text.  I know the "professionals" say that you should "fight fair" and not bring up past arguements, but I did have to bring up the hugs.  Long story short, she apologized for making me feel this way (hurt and betrayed) and that she was going to change her behavior.  Felt good to be heard and understood.  I hate to say it though.......as much as I love her.....I feel like "time wil tell." 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sat, 01-18-2014 - 8:53pm

Si, senor. My wife is a native Spanish speaker too. Latinas do tend to be emotionally demonstrative, but saying "I love you"  in Spanish like that is awfully suspicious. In addition, te amo is the stronger of two ways to say "I love you" in Spanish. It is normally used only for a boyfriend or husband.  A big red flag should be waving high for you right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2007
Thu, 01-23-2014 - 12:57pm

I agree.  That's why I had such a problem with it.  What's worse is, we currently live in the south (both from NYC) and a "Puerto Rican chick" is considered "exotic" as the norm here is just Black and White.  What I explained to her was, back in NY where Blacks and Latinos often live in the same neighborhood, Spanish (the language) isn't such a big deal and the ethnic difference also isn't such a big deal.  But where we live now.....I said: "You say te amo to these guys.....they'll go nuts.  Read too much into it."  What's even worse than that.....it came to pass.  This guy started blowing up her phone (txts) and she actually got a little scared.  That portion of the situation was handled (by me).  All in all, me and wife talked about it, she realized that this behavior should be adjusted and all is good.