Teen son vs. new Hubby
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Teen son vs. new Hubby
| Mon, 02-16-2004 - 2:51pm |
Hello I SO need advice here!!
My son is 18 and in jail pending a hearing this wednesday, (for marijuana/intent to sell)
He has been heading down the wrong path for a long time, no one can seem to get thru to him, he is in jail, and the "victim" that no matter how hard he tries, he feels he gets kicked down. He has burned every bridge that has ever been extened, my husband feels he needs to stay in jail, and learn his lesson, and that I not take his calls. His court date is this wed and I want to go, I would have to travel 5 hours. I havent told H because I know he will be really upset. He says I dont "respect" him when I dont listen to him. I am his Mother, I want to be there for him, and be in court if just to show support. H gets upset when I accept his calls, I can imagine when I tell him I want to go to court too.
what do you think?
Christine
My son is 18 and in jail pending a hearing this wednesday, (for marijuana/intent to sell)
He has been heading down the wrong path for a long time, no one can seem to get thru to him, he is in jail, and the "victim" that no matter how hard he tries, he feels he gets kicked down. He has burned every bridge that has ever been extened, my husband feels he needs to stay in jail, and learn his lesson, and that I not take his calls. His court date is this wed and I want to go, I would have to travel 5 hours. I havent told H because I know he will be really upset. He says I dont "respect" him when I dont listen to him. I am his Mother, I want to be there for him, and be in court if just to show support. H gets upset when I accept his calls, I can imagine when I tell him I want to go to court too.
what do you think?
Christine

I was physically abused by my ex husband and when I went to court to testify, his parents were sitting there supporting him.
I believe that they support his violence.
I believe that if you go to court, you may be supporting his drug abuse and illegal behaviour.
Your husband is right IMHO.
Sarah
There are a ton of self-help books on the subject as well as support groups.
Love Must Be Tough: Straight Talk, James C. Dobson
Don't Let Your Kids Kill You: A Guide for Parents of Drug and Alcohol Addicted Children by Charles Rubin
Adolescent Drug & Alcohol Abuse: How to Spot It, Stop It, and Get Help for Your Family by Nikki Babbit (Author)
Helping Your Chemically Dependent Teenager Recover: A Guide for Parents and Other Concerned Adults by Peter R. Cohen
Intervention: How to Help Someone Who Doesn't Want Help: A Step-By-Step Guide for Families of Chemically Dependent Persons by Vernon E. Johnson
My best to you.
Carrie
As much as you want to go, to if nothing else, show your support....and i dont think your H is against that.But it seems like maybe your son continues down this road because everyone keeps serving as his crutch to get thru everything.he needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet and own up to his mistakes like every other adult does.
I kn ow it hurts to not be there for him, but be strong.....
As for your husband's opinion, I see where he is coming from, but it worries me that he doesn't think you "respect" him when you don't "listen". I don't think this is a matter of you not listening to him - obviously you have since you were able to tell us what his opinion is. This is a matter of you having a different opinion than he has and you not just going along with his opinion.
I think you guys need to sit down together and come up with a plan for dealing with your son, something that you both can live with. No matter what, your son is your son and you love him. I don't think you want to close the door on him because the kid is only 18 years old and may very well turn his life around, but at the same time, I don't think it's a good idea to bail him out when he makes bad decisions. He's got to learn to stand on his own and face things.
if its not too late - here is my two cents. you have several issues here - some need long term work, and some are "emergencies".
if i were you - i would be at the court. yes, legally 18 is an adult but obviously your son needs help. maybe you can give him one last chance. maybe you can ask about speaking to a social worker and learning about tough love.
your relationship with your husband - is he the father of your son? this was not clear. at any rate, this is not something that your husband should be TELLING you what to do. you are a grown up and it is your choice. and it is not disrespectful of you to not "listen" to him. that is my opinion. if this is the way your marriage is - that he controls all your moves, and "tells" you what to do - then you have to deal with your marriage as well.
your relationship with your son - you need help and you should get help. if your son did indeed sell drugs or intend to sell drugs - then he should be in jail. but he also needs help. this is not going ot be solved overnight.
I am sorry for your pain...