telling her i loved her

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2008
telling her i loved her
6
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 3:23pm


we are both 24. she was looking to settle down, as was i. she still hadnt told me she was in love with me either. she was very hot and cold with me over the final month. sometimes going out of her way to tell me she had feelings for me, while at other times she would be sarcastic and somewhat condescending.

i gave her all the attention in the world, tried to spend all my time with her, discussed marriage, met her family. i had asked her to move in with me in a couple months

in the final week, she told me how much she LIKED me and asked how much i LIKED her, and i told her 'a lot'.

one day she told me she wanted to take some time off. i told her how i wanted her forever. i waited a few days, call her and told her how much she meant to me how much i cared about her. she said she didnt feel the same, and that it wasnt fair to me to keep dating.

could this have come about because i still hadnt told her i loved her?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 3:50pm

Welcome to the board jon252008,


Sorry this happened to you. I don't think it had anything to do with you not telling her that you loved her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 5:12pm

She said she didn't feel the same as you, meaning that her feelings weren't as intense as yours. If you really think that the lack of an "I love you" was the cause of the downfall, then you seriously don't get it, and you should really be aware of why this didn't work so you don't make the same mistakes in the future.

This relationship may have had a chance if you could have convinced yourself to move a little more slowly. It's romantic for you to promise her the world and spend every waking moment with her but it's unrealistic, and it is smothering when it happens so soon in a relationship.

This girl wanted more of a challenge than you. I would, too. Most healthy and secure women are looking for a MAN, not a puppy who will roll over on his back. When a girl is sarcastic or condescending to you in the early stages of a relationship, I'm 90% sure she is (perhaps subconsciously) testing you to see how much you will take before you fight back. And believe it or not, she DOESN'T want to be able to walk all over you.

When you find the next girl to love... Make sure she is worthy of your time, and that you're on the same page emotionally. If you're getting more intense than she is, BACK OFF FAST. Otherwise you will loser her in an instant. And if she plays the hot-and-cold game with you, refuse to be a part of it. You need to grow some if you want a mature relationship with a mature girl.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2008
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 5:32pm

let me give you some more information so maybe you wont think that 'i dont get it'

this is a girl who WANTS to move fast. the guy she dated before me, she moved in with after knowing him a month. she brought up marriage with me in the first 4 months. she wanted to spend every night together when we first started dating. she would talk about our children.

as far as being sarcastic and such, so people have told me that maybe she got tired of waiting for me to tell her how i felt, and so she became upset with me.

this all happend about a month a go. she met a guy, WHO SHE DIDNT KNOW WHILE SHE WAS WITH ME, 2 weeks after we broke up, and she says shes alreadt in love with him, and is planning on moving in with him.

any new thoughts?

thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 5:57pm

Hi jon252008,


I answered you on the other board, but this part:


::and she says shes alreadt in love with him, and is planning on moving in with him.


Telling her you loved her would have made no difference. She wasn't in love with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2008
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 6:06pm

i really appreciate your help. i have a follow up. you said it wouldnt have mattered if i would have told her i loved her, bc she wasnt in love with me, shes in love with the idea of a relationship.

if it was she just wanted anyone, when i asked her to move in with me, wouldnt she have just told me yes, instead of im not sure?

so in what circumstance will she marry someone?

thanks again




Edited 5/16/2008 6:08 pm ET by jon252008
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2008
Fri, 05-16-2008 - 6:16pm
I dont think it had to do with telling her or not telling her things.