Tempted

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Tempted
4
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 1:26am
I am in a commited relationship with my boyfriend. We have been together almost three years. The problem is, looking towards a lifetime together, I am getting restless. I would REALLY like to have a purely sexual relationship with my ex, he is married and has never been faithful to his wife, there is no possibility of my relationship with him going beyond sex. I have considered asking my boyfriend for a break or an open relationship for a few months so I have time to think, but I know that this will hurt him and being fairly selfish would like to steer clear of the guilt that would be involved. I logically know that sleeping with someone else would be incredibly damaging to my relationship and hurtful to my boyfriend, on a purely physical level I cannot get the idea of sex with my ex out of my head. I mean really cannot, I have been thinking about this for weeks. Is it ever ok to go outside of the relationship for purely sexual reasons. I am sure my boyfriend would say no, he is a wonderful man and completely commited. My most self absorbed self says if he never found out well then no problem. It would be optimal if I could somehow rise above my bodies ongoing demands that I go ahead and do it. Is there anyway to pull this off, or to just move on and remain faithful? Or am I doomed to hiding these desires from my boyfriend for the rest of my life as talking about them would be hurtful for him, acting on them would be hurtful for him and doing neither is making me crazy. I feel sorta trapped here. Any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
In reply to: shannon1955
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 4:25am
Anyone got any suggestions? I am getting naseous mulling this over, I would really appreciate some insight. Please?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
In reply to: shannon1955
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 4:56am
I would imagine you ARE getting naseous over this. i know i'm not the most experienced person when it comes to relationships but i have to say, sex is merely a physical bonus of a relationship. Love is far better in the long run. anyone can give you sex and just because your ex hasn't been faithful to his wife, doesn't mean you should support him. put your feelings for him to the past and live a happier, stronger life with whoever it is that's the one for you. the one who will satisfy your sexual desires and the desires of your heart. this will definitely give a much better pay off in the end.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
In reply to: shannon1955
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 10:10am
this might sound " a little out there " but if you want just sex why not keep him involved and just bring a third party in ? the idea might be a turn on for him. but if you don't know how hewould react, just start jokeing around with him about it. he might be all for it then it wouldn't really be cheating if he's know's about it and is there for it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
In reply to: shannon1955
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 2:05pm
See I think that would be a good idea also, I just don't think he would go for it. He knows I'm bisexual, has since the begining of our relationship, we've been monogamous for the duration and knowing that I would be open to pretty much anything he has never brought it up. I was thinking about it last night and realized I will be finishing college soon which makes the entire future and kids thing loom ahead. I feel like we moved to fast at the begining of our relationship. I told him last night that it was scaring me, he said he had to go to bed as he had to work tommorow, which is true, the timing was far from perfect for a heart to heart. He alluded to the fact that I wanted to sleep with someone else, I did a fairly uninsistant denial. I let him go to sleep and really don't know what to do now. He works all the time and he seems to be content with I love you and leaving it at that. I wonder if he is happy to simply have a relationship were we love each other and have a life together but don't really have any sort of deep attachement. I wonder if that will work for me, I mean realistically you try to build a relationship with someone you can depend on, someone who holds up there end of the bargain, if you are madly in love with that person then all the better, but for long term part of me feels like the passion in any relationship will fade and what is really going to last is everyone keeping their end of the deal. At this point I am left to wonder what the deal is. Thank you for your suggestions, times like this it's nice to get feedback.