For them should we try again
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For them should we try again
| Tue, 03-04-2008 - 7:35am |
Me and my X have been divorced for a yr now, we have stayed close friends, we got a divorce due to him haveing a affair, well he had the affair due to me not wanting to sleep with him over the course of years...
I'm seeing someone and he is seeing someone( he says he is only seeing her cause I'm making him) I don't want to get back with him, and he was getting lonely.. so now our oldest son is acting out.. so there is that issue, X is still very much in love with me -- another issue, we are good together except I don't wanna be intement with him.. due to affair.
I really like new guy, but new guy has lots of issues also. like just got divorced also, has his kids full time (which isn't a problem they are wonderful kids just not my kids whom I don't have all the time) and his X is in the picture also..
I guess what I'm asking is should I not being seeing someone else and for the family sake, try with open arms to fix my family?
I'm seeing someone and he is seeing someone( he says he is only seeing her cause I'm making him) I don't want to get back with him, and he was getting lonely.. so now our oldest son is acting out.. so there is that issue, X is still very much in love with me -- another issue, we are good together except I don't wanna be intement with him.. due to affair.
I really like new guy, but new guy has lots of issues also. like just got divorced also, has his kids full time (which isn't a problem they are wonderful kids just not my kids whom I don't have all the time) and his X is in the picture also..
I guess what I'm asking is should I not being seeing someone else and for the family sake, try with open arms to fix my family?
Lost in a world full of maps

If you want to remarry, you should do it because you love one another and want to be together.
The kids will adapt. Reconciling to appease them will ultimately make you miserable and demonstrate to them that if they put up enough of a fight they will get their way. Reconciling with your ex will not "fix" your family - it isn't broken just because you aren't married.
I don't think it's a good idea to introduce your new guy to your kids. It's really confusing and frustrating to them to have a "daddy replacement" so soon after the divorce. You should separate your dating life from your mom-life until you are very confident that this man will be in your lives long-term.
Hey there onlyme.
Your question contained too many negatives, so I'm not exactly sure how to answer the question you asked.
"Should you re-marry your X ?
That said, your new man sounds very new to dating with kids and he needs some instruction. It is so unhealthy to introduce every prospective lover and girlfriend to the kids because they develop abandonment issues. He shouldn't be dragging his kids on dates now inviting romantic liasons into the home to hang out. First the adults should establish themselves and know where things are leading. You say that he's got issues. We all have baggage, but you need to steer clear of the ones packing a U-Haul.
You said that XH cheated because you weren't sleeping with him. I think this is worth examining before you embark on more relationships. Why weren't you sleeping with him? Why did you hold back? Were you angry with him? Do you have intimacy issues?
Welcome to the board onlyme2007,
You have your answer in your words when you typed this: "I don't want to get back with him" - so don't lead him on, don't entertain the idea of getting back together.
Welcome to the board onlyme2007,
You said you don't want to get back with your ex. Therefore, no matter what the reasoning for getting back together (doing it for the kids) it isn't going to work since you don't want it too.
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Work on you sons problems and don't rush life.
As for the new guy you don't have to make major decisions right now. But might be
a good idea not to get kids involved too close right away until you know how things will appear to work out.