Is there any way to save my engagement?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Is there any way to save my engagement?
19
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 9:41am

My fiancee' has been acting more distant in the past month.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 10:39am

Have you asked her what she is stressed & depressed about?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 10:53am

She has told me it has to do with career issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 12:40pm
"When we are together, I feel close to her."

Do you need to have these constant texts in order to feel secure in this relationship? You said it feels close when you are together. Do you expect her to continue these daily texts even through marriage? I think that would be hard to sustain.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 12:50pm
I don't expect daily texts through the marriage. At that time we will be living together and seeing each other almost every day. Are my expectations for now unrealistic? The messages between us are what helped me feel close to her when we're apart.

That may not have been the case if the messages hadn't started out very loving and affectionate and became suddenly less so. This leaves me wondering what's changed and also wondering if she feels the same way she used to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 1:07pm

Why is she depressed ? Have you asked her ? Depression is a silent killer .

Its likely that because of the distance and not being to see each other has done exactly what you fear for yourself --- that is , a disconnect ? Distance for prolonged periods of time does that , more often than we believe.Messages get old after a while. Long distance , if you may call that yours, needs more creative ways of communication than a message here and there.

If you cant beat the distance , unfortunately, one of you will feel less connected than the other. Is it possible that for you a message makes your day while for her its more face time ? Have you asked HER as to what she wants before making it all about you ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 1:10pm
Sorry, I read the other post later and see that you know as to why she is depressed. The depression could be related to you somehow ?Any incidence that could have triggered it ?

She is withdrawing and if you withdraw too = end of relationship .
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 1:48pm

Yes unfortunately

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 2:00pm
How long have you been engaged?

Does it coincide with her withdrawals? She could be second guessing herself, but blaming it on
her job because she's not ready to bring it up with you.
I'd bring up putting back the engagement if she needs more time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2009
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 2:18pm
IMO, once you are in closer proximity,that is, cutting the physical distance ,will go in your favour in the sense , you both will be able to communicate better and that will help her open up and talk it out with you.

LD has limitations and cant compete with the physical presence.

Its possible that something happened in her personal life which is not sharing with you .Again, it comes down to physical distance and lack of communication and comfort that comes with close proximity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2011
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 2:43pm

Yes the physical distance is really dragging us down.

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