Is there typically another woman?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Is there typically another woman?
6
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 3:01am
When a married man leaves his wife in the " I don't lover you anymore" mind-set, is it usually for another woman?

I understand it is and they are, 99% of the time, experiencing the euphoric "In Love" thrill that comes with the first stage of a new relationship.

Dandelion

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 3:13am

99% of the time? i never heard of these 'statistics'. i am sure that in some cases people leave 'for another person' - and it could be the wife or the husband. and i am sure that in other cases people leave because they have had enuf of a bad situation.


is there something you wanted to talk about?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 9:29am
My husband announced this past week-end that he does not love me and he had leased an apartment. This was unexpected.He chose a time when we had small children here, which I thought was pretty inappropriate. He knew they would be here spending the night.

My 13 yr. son's father passed away last May and I have beed busy with so much since then that I have not "been there" as much for him. He had withdrawn into a shell and changed in many ways. He stopped paying most of the bills as well...only paid his Child support, Credit Cards & auto payment. He has left us with no money as he must think that I have tons....wrong.

I am saddened over this, however I am trying to understand it all. Any suggestions.

Dandelion

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 12:09pm

Before you jump to the conclusion that your husband has someone else, you

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Fri, 05-07-2004 - 2:35pm
After reading your posts here I remembered the other post that you had on ProbSolv4couples ... Im sorry it took so long for me to remember your name.So he left then? I hate thta he did that to you, if I remember correctly, he had neglected you and your son since your boy's BD's death.

I hate that he hasnt gotten any better, this has been going on for a while now and I know youve been unhappy. Do you still have all the in-laws and step-children in the house?

I dont know that its neccesarily another woman as much as he has just abandoned you since the BD's death. He has kept distancing himself from you since then and I hate it for you so bad. Is that the only thing that he said? Did he not give any reasons that he felt this was going on?

Hugz

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 2:56pm
That I had not been home enough.

Dandelion

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Sat, 05-08-2004 - 6:49pm
OK sweetie, Im going off of memory so if I call it wrong, let me knowm k?

OK..

Here he wont take care of anything with the family, has only been doing what he has to for his sake, abandoned you financially some time ago, emotionally for you and especially your son some time ago, leaves your son out when he tiptoes with his own birth-kids, brings people in and out of the house (his kids) and lets them add MORE onto the bills, wanted to declare bankruptcy without your approval, you pay everything, work extra hard to support this life for him being left emotionally bereft, financially needy, and working your fanny off? Same man, right? The one that your son compared to a dog?

And now he says you havent been home enough? Maybe because you have to do all the supporting on your own??? Honey, he hasnt been home for you except as anything but a body for you and your son for forever. This is just his latest little thing to have everything his way, his needs taken care of and his wants and you both standing there holding the mess. Sweetie, WHY does this treatment not make you mad? Its wrong, and everyone knows it, but he just keeps doing these things to you. I know its very hard to leave a toxic thing, but dont grieve too much, I think he needs a bit of reality as far as life as concerned. You have been (other than, Im sure, a few things that are normal in a marriage) the provider of both the emotional level and financial level at home, he does only for his other children, he has hurt you both continuously as far as since your ex husband, the childs father died, when you needed him most.

Unfortunately, I know you are hurting very much and Im sorry for that, you didnt need this, but do NOT let him come back just for more of his wants and none of your needs. He's put himself into a position, and you and your son, that if you take him back, he will have all the fault on your shoulders and he will place even higher expectations on you. Good grief, I think that you have enough, dont you?

I know that no one likes the thought of being alone, that its one of the most intimidating things of life because you never get an expected time of how long, but staying together and being mistreated to be with someone isnt good for you or your son either, honey. He's been at this for a while.

There could be no one, or there could be another woman, but the end result is the same, he has basically abandoned you and your son when you needed him most, especially your son. He could have made the grieving process alot easier. Instead, he checked out on the both of you and started heaping responsibilities one after another on you. He's leaving you to deal with everything as it falls and that is wrong. He made a horrible thing happen and you are supposed to take it all away.

I may have some of it jumbled up, but if I remember correctly this is all that has been going on and its unfair to you to be put under this type of tactic along with the others. I hope that you have someone who can help you to deal with all of this, but I ask you to think carefully about what his expectations might be for him to come back home. Can you handle many more?

You can email me through my profile if you like and would like someone to talk to. Take care, I hope that I helped.