Things are so bad-- long
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| Wed, 05-16-2007 - 12:59pm |
I have been with my boyfriend for over 9 years. We are 24 and 25. We have a daughter who is 5. A son who will be 3. And Im 7 wks pregnant. For the first 5 yrs we were together he cheated on me numerous times. He didnt care. Since I got pregnant with my son in sept 03 he stopped all that. But he treated me like sh*t since. He knows he has but he never cared. i resented him alot after my son was born cuse he never helped me. He was a difficult baby and I had no help at all. Things just got worse and worse and this new years I decided that was it. i wanted to leave him. I couldnt be treated like that anymore, I deserved better and I didnt want another year like the previous one. We got in a big fight and I told him it was over.
He begged me, crying, that he thought I was with someone else. Hes accused me of that the whole time we were together and for 9 years I was faithful to him. I told him no, and told him the reason I wanted to leave. He said he was sorry, he would change. I heard that so many times before.... I told him no. I still loved him but I just couldnt live like that anymore. After listening to him, and feeling bad, I gave him another chance. Things were great for 3 days and then he went right back to being an as**ole. At work there was a guy who came with his friend to pick up his kid and we had said "hi, how are you doing" a couple times but not much else. One day after this happened he asked and I said I was horrible. Didnt say why, just said "things arent good right now". We talked a couple mintues and that was it. The next day he was there and ask if things were better, i said no. He said "if you ever need to talk , just give me a call". He gave me his number and I took it. I didnt take any guys number before. But since things were so bad with my boyfriend, and yeah, i needed someone to listen to me, I took it. He asked for mine and I said no but gave him my email. I called a couple days later after we had a big fight. He listened to me and that was it. He was really nice. 3 days later I get a email with some pictures of him. some of him and them one of him down there. I called b*tching about it, asking why he would send that. He send he just wanted to send me some pictures. i told him I wasnt looking for that and not to send pictures anymore. he said sorry, and that he wouldnt. I dont know if he sent that pic on purpose with the others or not.
Anyway, we would talk whenever I needed to talk. Mostly if things were bad with my boyfriend. I had no one to talk to that wouldnt judge him or me. My family would back me up and friends wouldnt want to get into it. 2 weeks after talking he told me he liked me. I told him that I wasnt looking for anything like that, just a friend to talk to. He said ok, but a week later said again that he liked me. I made it clear I didnt want that, he said "well, I tried! If I can at least keep you as a friend thats ok with me" And that was it. He would talk about problems witht he girl that cheated on him and left, and talk about the other girls he was talking to, and I would talk about things that were bad around me. I would tell him the arguements we would have and if it was me who was at fault, he would tell me. I needed that. not someone who knew us both and could tell me what I wanted to hear. It was nice to talk to someone who didnt know us about our problems. I always felt uncomfortable when I would say something to a friend or coworker about our problems and then the next day they would see me happy with him.
Anyway, I was trying to work things out with my boyfriend during all this, he made it really hard, having periods of completely ignoring me and being an as**ole. A week before valentines day things were getting "ok", i hadnt even called the other guy cuse I hadnt needed to talk to anyone. But he called me on valentines day and left a message on my voicemail, saying he just woke up and wanted to call. he said he hoped everything was going good with my life and my work, and if anything to call him later. Well my boyfriend checked my voicemail and heard it and blew up. He said he knew I was with someone and etc. I tried to explain to him why I talked to him but he wouldnt hear it. The next day I sat with him and listened to the message and pointed out how I hadnt talked to the guy in awhile, thats why he said he hoped everything was going good, cuse I hadnt needed to talk to him, he hadnt heard from me. He said ok, that makes sense and kinda dropped it. We talked and wanted to work things out.
A couple days later he started really ignoring me, not talking to me at all, and being mean again. And I called the other guy. I explained what happened, and was so upset. We didnt talk much, just sometimes, when I needed to. Then one night I wanted to set up something nice for my boyfriend, to show him i did still love him. He went to his friends house while I set up. I talked to the guy while setting up everything, told him what I was doing while I filled the tub. Not alot of details, just a alittle. He said it was great and he hoped that my boyfriend appreciates it, i said "dont get me started" I didnt want to think about the bad thinsg he had done and ruin the mood for my plans. We talked about normal things, he talked about a girl he met. When we hung up he said bye and jokingly threw a big exagarrated(sp) kiss and laughed. And then I did the same. and laughed. And we hung up. My boyfriend came home and I did my plans for him. The next day I get a call on my way to work. He said he bought a recorder and recorded me when he left for me to set up and he heard me talking to the guy. he was upset of course but I pointed out how I didnt say anything bad. We just talked, like before. But I had promised to stop talking to him. And he knew then I hadnt stopped.
He didnt understand I just needed someone to talk to. After everything he was mad, of course. But he said he knew it was his fault I talked to someone cuse of how he treated me. And that he deserved it from what he did to me. We wanted to work things out cuse he said he didnt realise how much he loved me till he was going to lose me. Then he told me that the only way to move on would be for him to talk to the guy. I said fine. And I called him and they talked. The guy told him the exact same thing I told my boyfriend. When he asked what we talked about the guy told him I just would talk about us, and let out all my feelings. There was nothing between us. That was almost 2 months ago. We have been alittle better but he still thinks so much bad things. he thinks I was with him, slept with him, and everything. I would never do that, he knows that, but says now he doesnt believe that. A couple days ago he found those pictures on the computer, I deleted them right after I got them but somehow they were still in a folder. He was upset of course and really doesnt believe me. He thinks I slept with the guy. Honestly the guy wasnt even attractive, he was just nice, and easy to talk to. Thats it. But he doesnt believe me. He tells me if it was turned and it was HIM that I would think bad also. I told him of course because of his past. I would never hurt him like that. I wouldnt just sleep with someone I just met. I dont know what to do now.
i havent talked to the guy since that day my boyfriend wanted to talk to him. I even called him infront of my boyfriend from my NEW number to prove he didnt have it(if he reconized the number and I didnt talk he would call out my name to have me answer, if he didnt know the number when he picked up it would show he didnt have my new number), but HE had changed his number and someone else picked up and said it was their new number. I have tried everything I can to get him to believe what I tell him. Even if Im on the phone with my grandma or someone and he calls, he doesnt believe thats who I talk to so I show him when he gets home the call waiting on my phone and show him who I was talking to when he called, so he believes me. Im doing everything I can. And now Im pregnant and so worried I will lose this baby from stress. I get upset everyday from him telling me I did this and I did that with this other guy, knowing I never would and I cant prove THAT to him I get so upset. I just dont know what to do anymore. I want to be with him now. Hes the guy I wanted him to be for 9 years. Hes sweeter, helps with the baby, doesnt treat me like sh*t anymore, besides telling me what he thinks I did with the guy in a mean way. I sometimes know we can get past this, because I dont have anything to hide, I didnt do anything with the guy, didnt even "like" him. But theres days I just dont think we will make it. I dont know what to do and really need some advice. We cant afford marriage counseling or we would do that. Hopefully someone here can help~ Thanks so much for listening~

Welcome to the board mami2mmnm,
Have you looked into free or reduced counseling that might be available in your area?
I have to say, though, that it really sounds like it is too late for your relationship. There is no way you
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