thinking about future...
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thinking about future...
| Sun, 03-14-2004 - 8:10am |
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years now and I'm starting to get a little concerned about some things. We've had a really wonderful relationship, but I'm starting to get a little antsy. I want it to really move forward more now-- to talk about the future of the relationship more, get engaged, travel a lot more together, but I don't know where he's at with this. I haven't been pushing it much because I've had other issues to deal with over the last two years and I couldn't think about marriage and responsiblities like that yet, but now I'm ready. I know he has a lot on his plate now - stressed over job situation and money-- too and I feel like the timing isn't right to start talking about marriage. But shoudl that really matter?
Also, sometimes he doesn't call every day and I feel like if it's getting late on one of those days and I don't call, I won't talk to him that day. I try not to take it offensively but I can't help it. I know he doesn't mean to be negligent-- most of the time when he calls it's for a purpose like making plans. I guess that's how he is and I have to accept that. I don't want to whine to him about it either becuase I think stuff like that annoys him.
Also, sometimes he doesn't call every day and I feel like if it's getting late on one of those days and I don't call, I won't talk to him that day. I try not to take it offensively but I can't help it. I know he doesn't mean to be negligent-- most of the time when he calls it's for a purpose like making plans. I guess that's how he is and I have to accept that. I don't want to whine to him about it either becuase I think stuff like that annoys him.

I've known a few men whose wives pushed them into marriage. A lot of them are ended now. From what I've observed, the guys felt like the wife made all the effort in the beginning, so they should just accept the guy as he was. Most of the men made no effort AT ALL in the marriage, presumably because they didn't have to make any in the courtship. It's better to make the man wait and wonder, men need to wait, otherwise they don't appreciate. I've also heard men express doubt about women's characters who pushed marriage. Most of these marriages were ended by the women. Mostly because they were dissatisfied with their husband's lackadaisical attitudes, I think. Sometimes the women just got bored with a man they considered easy to control.
It's hard when you want and need more. Chasing a man makes him run the other way, however, even in small things like phone calls. It's frustrating! However, you can make it work for you. Just make the man think it was all his idea in the first place. It's really not that hard. I personally lose patience with this sort of thing, and it seems a little devious. So I just flat-out state what I want, and if he doesn't like it, that's it. Although, with some men there aren't very many alternatives. It doesn't hurt to be a bit coy, engaging, flirtatious even within a committed relationship, however. It keeps things interesting. Good luck.
After two years, which is a long time, its easy to get wrapped up on how things are..I dont think you should push marriage, but you do deserve to know if it issomething that is in the future at all. If it something that you would be interested in doing with him later on, you have the right to know if he feels the same way. Note:there are ways to go about doing so with out pushing him away or freaking him out....you donr want him to think you have a timetable set up or anything, that tends to scare people away...
Let him know how much you care and how you can see this aas long term and was interested in where he sees things going.Dont piush the subject, if you feel him scaring off, just drop the subject, you know he isnt ready...
Good luck and best wishes,