Thoroughly Frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Thoroughly Frustrated
5
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 3:06pm
My husband I have been married for 2 years in June. We have been arguing quite a bit lately and just don't seem to be agreeing on much of anything. Intimacy is almost a thing of the past, but that seemed to start right after we got married. Anyway, I have found myself becoming very restless in my marriage over the past couple of months. I am not looking to step outside of marriage but my I feel as if my needs are no longer getting met...emotionally or physically. My husband has been on auto pilot for months now and every time we talk about it, things change for about a week and slip back to the way they were. The problem is this: My mind continues to wander to one past relationship in particular where I was their everything...and SHE was mine. Yes, that's where things get complicated (I am bi). "Aimee" put me first in every aspect of her life and I did the same for her. That's the way I feel relationships should be and in hindsight my relationships with women have been more fulfilling than those with men. So my question is this: How do I get out of my marriage/husband what I used to get out of my past relationships?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 3:35pm

Welcome to the board fordgrl66,


::That's the way I feel relationships should be and in hindsight my relationships with women have been more fulfilling than those with men. So my question is this: How do I get out of my marriage/husband what I used to get out of my past relationships?::

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 1:09pm

This is a complicated situation. It seems as if you need to have good, solid marriage counseling with your husband. There seem to be communication problems between the two of you. Unless you can express your needs and desires and have them listened and responded to, it can be easy to become bored, restless, upset and want to pull away. The only way to get through a time like this, is to deal with the issues that are troubling you now. Let your husband know (without blaming or being criticial) that you feel the need for some professional help for the two of you to work on the relationship. Tell him you feel that it's important to open up the communication because you are feeling unhappy and as though important needs are not being met. It's not a matter of doing it alone, either, because there are deeper issues at stake here. The two of you need help and guidance in getting through this.


Every relationship is different. It sounds as though you and your husband need to really get to know one another, so he can understand what it means to you to be put first. It's a mistake to compare a relationship with a woman with that with a man. Each individual is different. Although there are things you can get from a woman, there are other things you can get from a man....try to be open to discovering how you can grow and feel fulfilled in your marriage now. You chose to be married to this man for a reason. Focus on that, focus upon what is good between you and work on the rest.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 4:10pm

Welcome to the board fordgrl66,


I think a lot of people struggle in their marriage and/or relationship when they have thoughts of a previous love.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 7:38pm
Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. I know you are correct in that counseling is where we need to be. Thank you again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Thu, 04-19-2007 - 7:40pm
Thank you for responding. I have copied down the names of the books that you offered and I will be making a trip to Barnes and Noble with list in hand. I also will be calling a counselor on Monday to set up some meetings. Thank you again!