tired and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2004
tired and confused
1
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 9:19pm
I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. He is 10 years younger then me, and I have a daughter who is almost 11 years younger then him. Initially this age thing really held me back, but gradually he won me over, heart and soul. I have never, ever loved anyone the way I love him and I have never been loved by anyone like he loves me.

here's the problem...

Not to long ago he asked me if we wanted to move in together. My initial internal reaction was fear! The more I thought about it though, I was excited and really felt like I fell more in love with this man. We discussed what we wanted in a home and listed everything we were looking for. We even started house hunting, which was completely amazing. Last night he told me that he's been thinking more about this, and he's not sure that he can live with my 14 year old daughter, because, after all she is 1-4 and difficult at times. He said he didn't know if he could handle coming home from a hard day at work and dealing with her attitude etc. I am completely devastated over this... I wanted this so much for all of us. I don't know right now whether I can stay in this relationship or not. Because the truth of the matter is,I do have a 14 year old and I wouldn't change that for the world. But I also love him, but this has hurt me sooooo much... Any advice is appreciated.


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 01-27-2004 - 9:57pm
I dated a man who was about that age for a while. I am five years older than is he and I have three children. We fell in love and he was working on our future together. He began looking into his health insurance and benefits for when we marry. He started house hunting in Atlanta (we were relocating there). Everything seemed wonderful. But the more he spent time with me and the more he thought about the realities of life with me and my children, the more he realized he wasn't ready. He felt ready emotionally but a man that age doesn't have enough life experience to really deal with the ins and outs of parenting teenage kids. (I have one teenager). I think this may be the case with your boyfriend. Don't push it because you'll push him away entirely. I made the mistake of pushing the issue and it drove him away.

Perhaps he simply needs more time even if it's a couple of years. I don't know what else to tell you. I see nothing wrong with his reservations. I know it breaks your heart but try and see things from his side. I'm sure he never intended to hurt you. Just hang in there cuz all is not lost.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi