Tired of Fighting

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Tired of Fighting
11
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 1:28am

I don't know what to do. I don't even know where to begin.

Smurfymom

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 3:48am

To be honest,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2008
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 10:45am

Hi Smurfymom!

I'm guessing the tone he used when he made that statement was what hurt more than the statement itself. I don't think this relationship is good for you just yet. You're clinically depressed and have three children to support. Thats enough without adding a non-supportive partner on top of it.

Do you have means to move out with your children on your own? If not, it would be best to go to the state for help. You need help with your depression before it ruins your life. My husband suffers from this also and it is a medical condition. If you have insurance it will cover it. Right now you need to be with people who will support you, not put you down. You're down on yourself enough already. Don't associate with anyone who's going to push farther. Stay on these boards too. You will get loads and loads of support here.

Jesacomi

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 11:20am

Welcome to the board smurfymom,


If you really suspect that your clinical depressed, you need to seek the attention of a therapist who can prescribe some medication for you. You might also want to see someone about your anger management issues.


Was your fiance serious about having you move out?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 12:27pm

Welcome to the board smurfymom,


Please call a counselor today. Be PROACTIVE in helping yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 1:11pm

I don't know how much of what he said is in anger or not. He also said he was taking the day off work today to help me pack, but he went to work as usual.

Smurfymom

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 1:20pm

But it's easier said than done! We've been together for three years and I don't know if I want to throw it all away if it can better. But I need him to see that it can get better. I had a breast cancer scare last year and he promised that nothing would change if I did get sick. Well, if he felt that way about cancer, why doesn't he see that this is similar? I'm not trying to offend anyone with cancer here, I'm just saying that they are both diseases that affect us. I'm just disgusted with myself because I just can't seem to get it together and not only that, my kids are so attached to him that I don't know what effect it would have on them if he and I split up. No, I don't have the means to do much on my own and where I'm from, the state does very little to help people like me. I'm not lazy; I would do what I had to to provide for my kids (done it before) but I just don't want to terminate a relationship if 1) I could get better or 2) He could have some falsh of insight and 'get it'. That's happened before with him.


I plan to keep visiting the boards...it helps a lot to say what I have to and be heard. Thanks.

Smurfymom


Smurfymom

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 1:29pm
Thanks Carrie, for what you said. I agree that I'm the only one who can make me happy, and I hate that my behaviour has brought us to this point. The truth is that when I'm with him, I know it's where I'm supposed to be...it's just that he sees depression as laziness or weakness. That at 28 I should be able to keep my feelings under control instead of indulging in 'temper tantrums'. Part of me does feel that he's right and I'm disgusted with myself for not being able to control my own mind. I feel like a total failure. I just don't know how to make myself happy, and I don't want us to end the relationship if it means that I can figure it out.

Smurfymom

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 1:36pm

Here's a link - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlrelationsh&msg=28205.1 about Managing Anger #9 is about cooling down, though it talk about 'days'.


What about counseling?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 1:42pm

My 7 year old son is a chatterbox, yes, and he routinely gets in trouble for it at school. That was the incident yesterday that caused us to sit down and talk to begin with. But with him, there have been other issues as well. It all stems from an incident he had with his vp at school at the beginning of the school year. He was new to the school and another student called him a name which really upset him. Long story short, the situation was brought to the vp who after hearing them both (the other child denied calling him a name even though other children heard him) and the vp told my son that he was mistaken and had to apologize to the name caller for lying about him. My son has not been the same since. Previously he was an all A student, perfectly behaved and had a very mellow personality. His teachers all said he was like Joe Cool; nothing ruffled him. Now, it's excessive talking, getting C's, he's wet himself twice in class just so he could go to the nurse and he has become very emotional. The polar opposite of what he was before. So to us, we can't laugh this off. But I can't pass it off on genetics either because otherwise, he would always have been a 'problem child'. He strarted seeing a therapist recently and she has isolated his behaviour to the day with the vp. But instead of looking at that and addressing it, my fiancee insists that genetics have a part to play here. That's what upset me; his argument is not logical and my son's behaviour prior to this incident proves my point. But it was like he had to put the blame somewhere and

Smurfymom

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 1:48pm

Thank you. I've read this article before, and it offers good advice. But when I feel myself getting angry, the tears start coming. I cry it all out

Smurfymom

 

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