Tired of fighting

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2011
Tired of fighting
6
Sat, 09-24-2011 - 1:14pm

I find it really hard to get my girlfriend's involved with my relationship problems since they all know him well. We dated for a year, took about 4 months apart and have been together since May of this year, and are already living together (i know, but it was the right choice at the time)

Anyways,

The other night i woke up to his phone buzzing, he was asleep and didnt notice but i checked it for him, his phone was open and was about 2 AM...it was his ex girlfriend replying to his text from about half an hour earlier. He only said "Hey" but when she replied she told him she was in the area "and it's a good time for a visit if you wanna". Of course I was upset, I tried to wake him but he was in a deep sleep...i checked the fb on his phone to see if they had plans to meet up since there were no earlier text messages (he must have deleted them) and i didn't find anything to her but i did see a message to another girl earlier this month at around 130AM just saying "thinking of you"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 09-26-2011 - 9:00am

"are already living together (i know, but it was the right choice at the time)"

Don't you see though, you could justify any decision like that, because EVERY decision is the right decision at the time it was made. But people with wisdom and foresight realize that the truly good decision is not made for today, it's made for tomorrow and the next day.

Your boyfriend has a whole lot excuses for why he should be texting other women behind your back and leading them on. And you could choose to believe his excuses if you want. But you're still left with the truth... That he's entertaining other women. You've made the choice to ignore his infidelity before. Are you going to continue keeping your head in the sand?

The reason you are fighting is because you cannot have the reality you want - You want to be able to trust him and to continue with a happy relationship where he doesn't come on to other women. That's not reality. You can't have it, no matter how much you fight to stay in this relationship. If you stay, you're staying in sipte of his cheating (and yes... He's cheating on you)

At some point you have to separate reality from what you want to believe. When you're able to do that, you will see clearly that the only way to get what you want in a relationship (RESPECT) is to find a man who is willing and capable of giving it.

This guy may convince you that he loves you but you're certainly not the only woman in his life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 6:38am

Roseelaine, when you talk about self destructive behaviour, I'm assuming you are referring to your boyfriend's behaviour.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 09-25-2011 - 12:11am

Why did you take a 4 month break?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 09-24-2011 - 5:14pm
Exactly. if he's not doing anything sneaky he won't be hesitant to show you anything you ask to see.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2011
Sat, 09-24-2011 - 4:58pm

that's very true, so I should ask him to see them? And watch his reaction i guess

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sat, 09-24-2011 - 4:30pm
If he's not hiding anything from you he'd be willing to show you his chat messages, his phone, his e mails,anything you want to see. if he is hesitant to show you these things I'd be suspicious as to why.