tired of internet porn
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tired of internet porn
| Mon, 06-14-2004 - 11:23pm |
just want to know if you think I'm overreacting. We've been married 17 yrs, great life & kids. Only sore point is I think he is addicted to internet porn and it has greatly reduced our sex life. He hardly ever initiates sex, it feels like it's always me having to ask. He gets on the computer for 2-4 hours at a time at night, sometimes 3-5 times a week, sometimes as late as 4am, although not always that late. I've finally said ok, look at porn that's free- pictures whatever. But what I hate is when he goes into chat rooms on aol and talks sexually with people, couples etc. I don't think he talks to the same person. I know he doesn't exchange emails because we blocked his screenname from getting any email to prevent spam. He allmost always waits until I go to bed, which of course he can't do it too early since we have kids. For awhile I tried to join in but got bored with it. Who needs it hour after hour, night after night. The same sex stories. On some occasions if I wake up & walk into the room he cancels off the IM> Of course that makes me suspicious. To me it feels allmost like cheating. Then I think, if one spouse is doing something that makes another spouse unhappy or causes tension in the marriage they should stop. But he wont stop and gets mad when I get mad about it. So it's like I have to learn to live with it. Other than this he is an absolutely wonderful husband. I just feel our sex life would be better if he wasn't fulfilling himself with internet chat. Should I let it go and get over it?
Thanks for any advice.
Thanks for any advice.


In my opinion you have a marriage-breaker here. There is no way this garbage should be allowed in the home where 2 little girls reside. In addition, the time your husband spends in front of the computer is time stolen from you and the marriage bed. This in itself is a type of adultery. If I were you I would insist that my husband end this activity and go into counseling. Otherwise for the emotional and spiritual health of you and the girls, you will have to leave.
I am sure that you have heard over and over from one source or another, that men looking at porn is almost considered normal.
I am co cl for "Ask Dr. Ruth" board.
from a guys perspective with experience in this department...the only time we need to look at porn is when we are missing something from home. we equate sex with love, we feel loved when there is sex, that is how we connect to our spouse. when we want sex and you dont, we feel rejected and unloved,if he has sexual tension, how is he going to release it if the two of you are not active in the bedroom. the good news is, this issue is easily resolved if there two of you are willing to give it a little effort. he needs to pay more attention to you and less to something that you say is hurting you. my question is why did this start in the first place? my educated guess is, he found an emotion or feeling in internet porn that he was missing from you. talk it out, be good to eachother, you will find your answers and happiness from talking and interacting within the marital bond.