tired of too passive husband

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2003
tired of too passive husband
1
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 10:40pm
Hi. I really need some advice. My husband is a "people pleaser" and a lot of his "people pleasing" comes at my expense. For example, he asks his friend from a short distance out of town (20 minutes!) who has HIS PARENTS in town, over to our house two and three times a week for supper, so the friend doesn't have to make the trip home before their hockey games. That means I have to rush home, let the friend in, let the friend make himself at home, watch whatever T.V. program he wants, until my husband comes home one to one and a half hours later. The friend has never offered to bring something in for supper or anything. The friend also often "borrows" stuff of ours (power washer, lawn equipment) and just keeps them, and he knows my husband is too much of a wimp to ask for them back. My husband also parked our own vehicle on the street so the friend could put HIS VEHICLE in our garage while his other vehicle was being fixed. The other annoying thing my husband has recently done, is agree to let two people who I barely know (I have met one of them once - a co-worker of my husband's from another city and his fiance), stay at our house for two weeks in August this year. Apparently they asked if they could stay with us to save money on a hotel. It may save money for them, but I will have to cook twice as much, clean twice as much, and have to see these people every day for two weeks when I come home from work. Interestingly, my husband has no problem ignoring MY requests for fixing things, etc. How can I get him to stop being such a wimp? Thanks!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 6:50am
untalkativebunny...

Two questions:

1. Do you complain a lot? If so...your husband is seeking out a friend who doesn't. This is the reason he's willing to bring others into your home. He probably can't handle the stress you're putting him through?

2. Is the friend who borrows everything and doesn't bother bringing anything for dinner...the ONLY person in your husband's life who annoys you? You can reduce the number of his visits...or ask him to do some of the home maintenance projects your husband seems to be ignoring? (Don't be a bully about it...BE POLITE) Also, you can make a list of the items he has borrowed and ask that they be returned the next time he stops in for a visit. If they mean that much to you...get them back!

As for the couple who plans to stay in August...there's still plenty of time to make other arrangements. If having their presence in your home bothers you...tell your husband, but be prepared for "a showdown" since your demand will put him in a very awkward position.

It sounds like the 2 of you need some serious "alone time", a long weekend together, or perhaps a marriage counsellor? Choosing one or more of these options MIGHT keep your marriage from derailing...and the 2 of you out of divorce court?

Pianoguy