Together for 7 yrs but won't commit
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Together for 7 yrs but won't commit
| Mon, 05-07-2007 - 9:03am |
I have been with my boyfriend for 7 years since I was 18 but he won't committ to me. I have bought up the question of marriage and children years ago and he said when we get to 25. It is my 25th Birthday this week and I bought up the subjet of marriage and children and he said to my surprise that he does not know if he will ever be ready to get married or have children. I just don't understand and don't know what to do. We had been looking to move in together but again he was worried about losing his freedom and that is why we still have not. All my firends are getting married and having children and I feel like the one who has lost out.I love him so much but he is so stubborn and I don't think he will change his mind. I feel tricked that we have been together for 7 years and i don't want to go on another 7 years and still feel the same.

I am so sorry you are feeling this right now.
This is a life lesson. It's been 7 years and you are only now realizing there's no future with this guy? I don't believe that. I bet you have known for quite some time there's no future with him. You only recently brought it out in the open.
For your sake, move on.
Hi~
It sounds like you have every right to feel tricked. You had a timeline of 25, well, now that you are almost there, he has to come up with something else. He is just stringing you along. I think it's time to move on. I know this will be hard, but I would hate to think of you wasting another 7 years, and then try to rebuild your life. He sounds like he will never be ready, or doesnt' even want, to settle down and get married/ start a family.
Best of luck to you. I think he's telling you that he doesn't want this, but you keep hoping he'll change, but, it doesn't sound like he is going to.
Take Care.
>>It's been 7 years and you are only now realizing there's no future with this guy? I don't believe that. I bet you have known for quite some time there's no future with him. You only recently brought it out in the open.<<
I strongly disagree with this. He told her he wanted to possibly get married and start having kids when they turn 25. He gave her a timeline basically assuring her it would happen and when the time came and she went to "cash it in" he said "actually...never". Her boyfriend totally mislead her into thinking it would happen so what reason would she have for knowing for quite some time? He's the one that went back on his word (which is his right, no one has to get married if they don't want to) after leading her to believe one thing, he's the one that recently brought it out into the open.
To the OP, I think the others are right. It's not that he isn't a good man, it's not that he doesn't love you or you don't love him. The issue is simply that he doesn't think he'll ever be ready to get married and have kids and obviously these things are goals to you. It might be time to think about parting ways so you can self-reflect and eventually find a man who shares the same goals. I'm afraid if you wait around for your boyfriend he'll be true to his word of not being ready and you'll never get married and have the family you want.
Good luck. I'm sorry this happened to you.
I'm sorry you're in this situation. I think there are two things going on here:
1) You and your boyfriend want different things in life. Rather than waste another 7 years, wouldn't you rather find someone who wants a commitment with you? Your boyfriend isn't ready to settle down. It may be that he's afraid of commitment, but it is also very likely that you are not the 'one.'
It's no reflection on you. Nor is it about what you've done or haven't done, what you are or aren't, what you look like or don't look like. You may just not be right for him, irregardless of the amount of time you have spent together. He may not see his future with you in it.
2) You mentioned that your friends are getting married. I'm 33 and believe me, I understand that pressure to be like everyone else. But you know what, things will happen at their own pace, and you will just have to be patient. It's just not going to happen with this guy...