told him I needed space so he dumped me

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
told him I needed space so he dumped me
18
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 3:20pm

My boyfriend and I have had a fantastic long distance relationship for the past 15 months.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 3:34pm

Hon, honestly to me it sounds like maybe he got tired of the drama.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 3:40pm

Welcome to the board lola628,


It is possible that he took your statement of wanting space as meaning that you wanted to break up so he did it first. Honestly, though you email him and said you didn't want to lose him and there isn't much more you can do at this point. Wait and if you haven't heard from him in a week email him back and ask him to talk to you. If he doesn't respond to that there is nothing you can do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 3:49pm

lola, I don't want you to take this the wrong way but he did the right thing and I would have done it, too. Wanting space in a long distance relationship is like... not wanting a long distance relationship. You don't get much more space than 3,000 miles, as the other poster said. All things considered, it wasn't worth staying in this relationship. Of course he doesn't want to be friends, you can't be friends after something like this happens. Not immediately, anyway. Again, not to sound too harsh, but it sounds as though you could learn a few things about how to deal with men and breakups. I hope you were able to get your thoughts out by writing to him. If he doesn't respond then you'll know that he's serious about not wanting to be in this anymore. You've put yourself out there, let him mull it over - the ball is in his court, so to speak, as much as I hate that expression. Beyond that there's nothing you can do. The harder you push someone the further they get from you.

I do wish you the best of luck and I hope he decides to come back to you. Every relationship goes through a period of reflection - you were within your rights to be honest with him about your feelings, but do realize that he's just as entitled to be disappointed and hurt enough to do this. Good luck and I'm sorry about what happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 3:59pm
Thank you for all of your replies.


Edited 7/30/2008 11:09 pm ET by lola628
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 4:18pm
I have to be honest here and say that if you feel stifled by one phone call a day, there is no way you could possibly live together harmoniously
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 4:25pm

Lola, I feel for you - especially since I understand very well how it is to be in a relationship like yours - mine has also been long distance (Europe/US) for the last 15 months, so I know just how difficult it is to go from feast to famine with the visits and the time in between.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 4:28pm

I think unfortunately, he is realizing the extreme amount of work, frustration and aggravation a LDR is.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 4:41pm

I wouldn't be happy with a few times a year either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 4:59pm

He's a professor, his next break will be in the fall, so he'd have to travel to Chicago to see me at that point.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-29-2008
Wed, 07-30-2008 - 5:09pm

Coolas -


Do you both discuss when you will see each other again?

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