Too Opposite to Attract?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Too Opposite to Attract?
5
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 2:46pm
I have been dating this great guy for 6 months. He is kind, warm, funny, gentle, romantic, has a great family, everything. He's perfect, BUT we are complete opposites when it comes to politics or religion.

He is conservative, and I am VERY liberal. He listens to Rush Limbaugh, always wants to buy American, is part of a union, and voted for Bush. He thinks homosexuals should not be allowed to marry, and he thinks abortion should be outlawed. I have the exact opposite views. I am VERY political (I have a B.A. and an M.A. in Political Science, and work in government), so like talking about politics, but every time we talk, we end up in a fight!

And as for religion, I was Jewish but don't practice anymore, I guess I'm an agnostic, but he is born-Again Christian, and loves to tell me what the bible says, and is always trying to talk to me about Jesus! I almost did an M.A. in Religious Studies, so I know a lot more about religion than he does from his bible-thumping classes, but he refuses to listen to my point of view or anything I say about the subject. I actually got up and walked out of a restaurant on him last weekend, because he said that dinosaurs couldn't be millions of years old because the bible was only written 6000 years ago, and that was when god created the world. AGGHHH!!!

My mom always tries to tell me that opposites attract, and I really do love him, but I wonder if we aren't too opposite to make things work? I don't want to get married and have him telling our children that Jesus is the only way to get into heaven, or that gay people are sinners! Does anyone have any personal experience with a spouse who has VERY different viewpoints from your own? Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 2:52pm
Beliefs are NOT situationally dictated. If he believes that Jesus is God and that is the only way to get to heaven, and that gays are sinners and can't get to heaven...he's going to teach that to his kids. He believes it! It's not a feeling - it's a fact, he believes it.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 3:00pm
Is it just me? how is it possible to love someone that doesn't believe in the things you believe in? especially if you can't love him for his beliefs and for who he is. These are not trivial beliefs, it seems they are important to both of you and I don't think there is a way you can't get along if your goals and aspirations are not in line with each other. When they say "opposites attract", they mean opposites as in "he likes the color blue and you like the color green", not opposites as in he is an islamic fundamentalist and you are a jew.

think about that, what is important to you? and what exactly is it you love about him?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 8:26pm
Someone once told me:

"Opposites attract, but people who are alike marry"

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 8:43pm
My first reaction is don't marry this guy if you want children.

A marriage totally changes after you have children and these issues are bigger than love. They will drive you apart.

There are plenty of nice guys with similar or at least livable belief systems. He is very extreme in his ways.

He won't change - so you have a decision - you can live with it or without it. 10 years from now the romance will not be there in the way you see it today.

Good luck - it is not easy I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Wed, 05-12-2004 - 4:08am
I am an "older" person and have traveled many roads : ) I will tell you that religion is an issue when you marry & have children. It is one of those things that you don''t want to believe when you are dating..we all think that we can grow & go beyond that...not usually the case.