Too suspicious for my own good?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013
Too suspicious for my own good?
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 2:50pm

I believe it only to be paranoia, but I'm curious to know everyone else's opinion here.

Yesterday, my fiance stopped by his Aunt's house after work. She's elderly and needed help with something, which is usually yard work of some sort. She almost always pays him for the help, anywhere between $10-$20. He never asks for it but she basically tells him to shut up and take it and he doesn't like to argue. Always, my fiance tells me that his Aunt gave him money, but I didn't hear anything and didn't ask. I just assumed she didn't give him any. Long story short, I had an ER visit yesterday and was short a few dollars for my prescriptions. My fiance gives me $10 to cover and said that his Aunt gave it to him. I told him he didn't have to do that but he did. I thought it was strange that he didn't tell me this time around about the money, but let it go and didn't say anything.

Today, my fiance came home for lunch. Just before he left to go back to work, he said he had to run downstairs and grab something. I didn't think much of it until I saw what he grabbed, which was an old bottle of whiskey. Of course with something like that I'm going to ask why. He said that the subject of alcohol came up at work "with the guys" and one of them mentioned his favorite brand of whiskey, which was what my fiance grabbed. He said since neither of us drank it and it was old and half empty that he decided to let so and so have it. Now this I thought was strange, since he never did anything like this for his co-workers before.

So, is it just me or would you be suspicious as well? Too much to me within a 24 hour period! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 3:17pm

Wow, you are way over suspicious.  You know he helped his aunt, then he gave you $10 that he said his aunt gave him and you know she ususally give him money, so what is suspicious about that?  If he suddenly sported a wad of $100's then that would be suspicous.  And he said he was bringing some unused whiskey to coworkers--and he grabbed it in front of you.  Do you think if he was going out for a date with another girl, he'd try to impress her by brining along an opened bottle of liquor--and do it in front of you?  People who are doing suspicious things usually try to hide it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2013
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 3:35pm

You are way too suspicious! Unless he has a history of lying or sneaking there really isn't anything to be suspicious of.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2013
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 3:47pm

Hello! Well, I didn't know what he was running downstairs for. When he came up, he was carrying a sweatshirt (and I only thought it was a sweatshirt). Then as he was going out the door, he pulled the whiskey out underneathe the sweatshirt! I thought that was weird and so I asked then he explained. Then I started thinking about the money. I haven't slept much lately and I think things are just more then they appear. Unfortuntely a few years ago he was hiding things and being sneaky, but I would hope that all of these years later the past won't repeat itself.

Avatar for StephanieOC
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2013
Wed, 10-09-2013 - 4:18pm
Sounds like there are trust issues which may be due to past things your fiancé has done. If this is how you feel then perhaps you need to have a serious conversation with your fiancé and explain what is bothering you. If you are going to marry this man then you will need to be able to trust each other or it will never work. Good luck!
Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Thu, 10-10-2013 - 10:47am

On the face of it, your suspicions about where he got $10 from and why he got a bottle of whiskey sound bizarre.  You would really wonder where $10 came from?!  And unless he's an alcoholic, what is so strange about his story?  Do you think he was taking off to get drunk for the afternoon or drinking whiskey in the afternoon with a woman?  I mean. . . that's just odd.

OTOH you mention "trust issues" which can mean a wide variety of things so I really don't know what you are suspicious of.  What I do know is that if you are so disturbed over a $10 bill and a bottle of whiskey, you should not get married until you resolve whatever issues you have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Fri, 10-11-2013 - 12:29pm

Suspicious why he did not tell you that his Aunt paid him or not?  Suspicious of why he's getting rid of an old bottle of alcohol that neither of you drink?  Yes, i would say that you were too suspicious.  You mentioned trust issues with this man in a different post, I guess the question is, at what point will you trust him?  From what you wrote, this man sounds very generous and caring, why are you only seeing the negative?  If you are that paranoid, have him followed by a PI to *really* see what he's up to!

You sound like you have way too much time on your hands, do you work or are you home all day long?

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sat, 10-12-2013 - 1:39am

You need something to keep you occupied.  You have too much time on your hands!  First of all, even if you were married, he doesn't have to report everything that goes on in his life to you!  Most is so trivial, he wouldn't even think about it.  He knows that you know his Aunt gives him money.  So why does he need to report that to you every time?  He's taking something to someone at work, but he's never done that before?  SO WHAT?  He's done it now.  If you are so suspicious of him for nothing, you have a problem, and you don't need to be in a relationship with him or anyone else.