torn between 2 men
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torn between 2 men
| Fri, 06-15-2007 - 2:30pm |
Hi...I need some advice. I'll try to keep it brief, but my situation is a little confusing. First of all, I'm 40, no kids and have been married 2 years. Prior to this mariage I was in a long term on-again off-again relationship to a man I really loved. I broke it off with him not because I didn't love him but because he would not committ to marriage and did not want to have children. I moved 12 hours away and decided to move on with my life. I then met the man I am currently married to(we married after dating for 2 years). Anyway, this relationship has never been what the previous one was. We had troubles from the start. He had issues with drinking and lieing which has destroyed my trust for him. And we never really developed a friendship. Honestly, I think I was so desperate for a family that I settled. We tried to conceive (went to specialists and everything) but did not have any luck. Now I am miserable. We don't get along and there is little to no chance of having kids. To make matters worse, my ex and I have stayed in touch and he now says he's ready to committ if I get a divorce. He still doesn't want children, but hey I'm not going to be able to have children with my husband anyway...plus we haven't been intimate in months. I truely love this man and consider him my best friend...but I feel guilty and obligated to try to make this marriage work. My husband says he will change his ways but I am so angry with him and emotionally distant that I just can't see how things will ever get good enough to make me happy. My emotions are getting in the way of making a good decision. I need some outside perspective. Any advice?

I'm sorry you're in a such a tough situation. I realize that the trust between you and your husband has been severely damaged, but I think you should try to repair your relationship through couple's and individual counseling. You two may still come to the conclusion to separate, but at least you tried. If anything, it could help pave the way for a more amicable separation.
My two cents...