Torn between my husband and child

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Torn between my husband and child
3
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 7:07pm
I have been married for three years now.My husband went to jail for two years of it.I filed for a divorce but never went through with it.I now have a child by another man.Me and my husband where trying to work things out but he said in order for things to work I have to cut off all ties with the other man and his family.I am twenty-three and still to this day have never seen my real father,I don't want my little girl to know what that is like,but I also don't want my other two children to lose their father either.Is there any way we can all just get along for the childrens sake?????
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 7:24pm
What does the other guy say in regards to seeing his child? With custody rights, visitation, including grandparents rights, I'd say he (your husband) needs to wake up and realize that that may not be a choice for you. Have you seen an attorney? Have you worked out a custody agreement with the child's father? You really need to.


Edited 2/3/2004 7:48:47 PM ET by itwinflame


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2003
Tue, 02-03-2004 - 7:54pm
A family member of mine married a man who had two children from his prior marriage. She spoke to me about how upset she was that his children always came first. I personally doubt that they did, but I asked her if she would have any respect for him if he didn't put his own children first. While this is a more complicated situation, I think my point still applies. If you plan to form a relationship with your former/current husband, then he will have to have respect for you as a person. (At least in my world they do.) If you abandoned your daughter, do you think he could have any respect for you?

Of course, I know it is really complicated since I'm guessing that he did not intend the marriage to end, and he may view the daughter as the product of your having "cheated" on him. Question is, even if you do keep your daughter and you do get him back into your life, how will he treat your daughter? You may feel that your sons need a father, but is this guy really going to be a good influence upon your sons. And more importantly, how would he treat your daughter. If you think he would be mean or abusive to your daughter, why would you want him around either you or your sons?

Think about this in the long-term. You may not really want what you are asking for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 9:06am
There is no way you can cut off contact with this other man for your husbands sake.