torn between two lovers
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torn between two lovers
| Mon, 03-22-2004 - 3:40pm |
I have been dating my current boyfriend for about three months everything is pefect we go out he calls me exactly when he is suppposed too he is so predicatable and kind. He is everything a girl would ask for but yet I am not happy he told me that I am his first girlfriend he is 23 amd im like ok but i feel like he is unexperience when it comes to relationships and this has all come about becuase a guy who I been with for 3 years we were friends with benefits has been in the picture the whold time but he recently asked me out on a date and aske me out for valetined day but i decilned and he keeps persuing me and he told me that he is ready to settle down and wants a relationship with me and dosent want to loose me and I have nooooo clue what to do or how to choose any advice on what the best thing to do in this situation I been going nuts trying to figure out what to do and I am having a really hard time choosing.

Three months, while not very long into a new relationship (no matter what his dating experience) treats you like a queen. But for some reason you have unresolved feelings for this other guy.
Did you have any issues with this other guy? Being friends is a great foundation for a long-term relationship HOWEVER the 'with benefits' is a reflection of moral, values, character, etc. Did either of you want more out of the relationship before you started dating this new guy?
Carrie
If you drop the current guy for this one...what does that say about you? Yet, if you really have unresolved feeling for this other guy, it's time they are addressed, healed, or at least there is truth about what can really be and what can't be.
Personally, you've known him three years and he's not taken the initiative until now, so that tells me 1) he's afraid you will never sleep with him again, now that you are in a relationship, 2) he's still not sure how committed he can be (I mean he didn't show up at your door and propose, right?) 3) he's jealous / envious that you have someone else.
Say you dump current guy and get together with FWB guy.... how long before he decides he just not sure, or you moved to fast in a 'serious, committed relationship' - how long are you willing to be just FWB again? I mean, what if he's only saying it to get the relationship with you back to the way it was before? Can you live with your choice if it doesn't work out with FWB guy, because chances are you can never go back to current guy, he will feel betrayed?
Can you walk away from FWB guy, knowing you can't stay friends, never have sex with him again? If not, they you have your answer.
Good luck to you on your decision.
Carrie
Honestly, it sounds like the guy you are dating has more maturity in dealing with this relationship then you do.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
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