Total disregard of my feelings??

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2002
Total disregard of my feelings??
3
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 12:45pm
Hi All

Im 20 yrs old and i have been with my Bf who is 21 for a year and 1/2. We had a wonderful relationship, but now it has been full of disappointments. Most of which are because of him canceling plans, or doing what he wants, ignoring my feelings. I think ive had my fill of disappointments but its so hard to let go because i love him so much. He was everything i wanted when we met, and he was so passionate, so loving, so affectionate.

The latest story is as follows: Tuesday i was feeling real sick but i had to go in to my resturaunt and work. I called everyone to see if someone can help me out, no one could. So i tried my Bf since he's helped out at the restuaunt before *and has told me if u ever need my help call me*, so he answered and i asked, but he said he was busy with friends and wouldnt do it. He told me good luck. So i was kinda mad and hung up. Wednesday night we had plans, he calls and cancels cause he says that i acted like a brat and he doesnt want to see me. So we got in a huge fight and after all of it, he finally said ok..saturday ill make it up to you, and ill take you out *because hes promised for the past 2 weeks*. I said ok, and he said ill call u later with the details. Well..saturday was yesterday and we didnt go out, nor did i even recieve a phone call to tell me this. What is his logic behind this?? Shouldnt he be even more aware that he has been on shaky ground, then pulls a move like that? Not even a phone call. Whenever i tell him thats its over, he doesnt want to let go.. but yet he can do whatever he wants, cause he believes that i should just accept the fact that he doesnt want to be in a "serious" relationship. I was curious as to all your opinions on the matter... ???
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 02-08-2004 - 11:09pm
It sounds like he is seeing how much he can get away with. He does it because he knows he can get away with it, and that you will take him back anyway. He wants you to be there when it is convenient for him, and he'll put you on the backburner whenever it isn't convenient. He's showing you and proving to you that he is IN CONTROL of the relationship. He is walking all over you. If you let him get away with it, he WILL keep doing it.


Edited 2/9/2004 10:07:22 AM ET by jap524
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2004
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 1:13am
sounds like the relationship (as you know it) is over. he says he doesn't want a serious relationship and his actions back that up. that's all you need to know. ditch him fast or he'll make you miserable. besides, once you're gone he'll probably realize how badly he screwed up. and you'll hopefully find yourself a better guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 02-09-2004 - 9:33am
This is simple....he's told you he's not in a serious relationship.

In other words, - when he wants to see you - he will, when he wants to hang out - he will, when he wants to help out or be there for you - he will. and when he doesn't want to be around you, listen to you, be there for you - he won't.

The problem isn't him....it's you.

You keep relying on, depending on, prioritizing him.....and he's not doing any of that for you, you know he's not going to - he'd told you this is not serious - it's just about fun, sex, and companionship and whatever the "moment" offers.

Stop looking at this as if he's committed to you, your needs, and your long-term well being - he's not. He's told you as much.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com