Totally crushed and dont know what to do
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Totally crushed and dont know what to do
| Tue, 01-27-2004 - 1:14pm |
My Husband and I have only been together 2 months out of 11 we were together august and September and it's been really hard and now last night he called me crying telling me there is something we needed to talk about and he told me he "kinda" cheated he said he was in a club and was talking to this chick he said they talked about me and Alexis our daughter and him being in the military and how she was an English teacher there in S.Korea then his friend walked up and started talking and he was like I am going to go pee be back and walked off to try to find the bathroom he said he went found a door that looked like a bathroom walked in there wasn't any lights on and was trying to find the light switch and she came walking in and got close to him and he was like do you know where the bathroom is she's like yeah but... and started kissing him he said there wasn't any tongue action and he didn't rub her in anyway he said he was shocked and flattered at the same time then he said he guesses she seen he wasn't into the kissing and went down on him he said she wasn't down there but a min or 2 and then he said he realized exactly what was going on like he came back to reality and told her to stop that she knew he was married and she got pissed and stormed off He says he never expected that to happen to him it was something you see in movies and it threw him in complete shock and now I got to see him on the web cam and I feel sooo sick when I seen him all I could imagine was what he told me! I knew it would happen I was just praying it wouldn't I was his first he hadn't had anyone else he says now that its happened he has learned from it he knows exactly how to handle that type of situation now and he swears on everything that it wont happen again I just wanna know is it possible for a guy who has done such a thing to learn from it? To realize what's happing before it happens? And how do I forgive him enough to get on with our lives I love him so much I want to be with him even after this well since he stopped it I know I couldn't if he would of slept with her!! PLEASE someone help me through this I am going to see him in march and I don't want this to mess that up I just want to be able to look at him the way I used to!!! I know I wan't to be with him I just don't know how to handle whats been done!

Consider posting on the Betrayed Spouse Support board and see if they have some good advice.
Carrie
He's telling you what happened as if "confession" is saying "I was wrong and it won't happen again".
all he's saying is that his situation was such that it's justified in happening, the situation isn't something over which you have control, nor does he - and thus if it happens again don't be surprised.
If you don't review situations but patterns - you'll see the following is true.
People do what they do because they want to do it. Their values and priorities and standards justify and entitle them to their actions, feelings, thoughts, decisions, words, ideas and desires. Those same values determine their character, conscience, integrity and honor in every regard and venue.
The guy who lies to his boss - will lie to you. The guy who keeps the spare change from the busy cashier - will keep things from you. See...."self-benefit" is the agenda, and the values justify getting it wherever the situation offers it or allows.
If values change...what a person wants, does, thinks, feels, accepts, pursues, etc. all changes - without any effort at all. But behavior doesn't change long-term without a values change at heart.
You can forgive him once he seeks forgiveness by changing his values, which his actions will indicate over time in a consistent manner. Otherwise, what you’re doing is overlooking this situation – while fearing every circumstance that you don’t control that he’s involved in –which is every circumstance he’ll ever be in.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com